Albert Pujols: Whenever he talks, I laugh

I don't want to make too big a deal of this, both because it could probably be conceived as biased and because I really don't care about the awards. But, every time Albert Pujols opens his mouth now, I just have to laugh.

http://www.nbcsports.com/mlb/503157/detail.html

"I see it this way: Someone who doesn't take his team to the playoffs doesn't deserve to win the MVP," Pujols said in Spanish at a news conference organized by the Dominican Republic's sports ministry.

This on the heels of saying Glavine's stuff was bad after Game 1 of the NLCS. Albert's clearly a guy who takes himself very seriously, but I feel at this point I should point out some detailed and relevant statistical evidence:


Philadelphia 85-77
y-St. Louis 83-78

See Albert, while you were busy playing the Pirates and Royals and Cubs about 50 times this year, the Phillies, playing against tougher competition, somehow managed to win more games than you. Now, it's not really the Phillies phault that while you were busy eating the saltlick of bitter cuntishness from Tony La Russa's hand, they went out and won more games than you. Maybe instead of crying about not getting the award (God knows you praised Barry Bonds all those times you lost to him), you should have been on a team that didn't start Sidney Ponson 20 times. In fact, one could argue that your shitty 83 win team kind of stole their playoff spot unjustly, since you know, your team kind of blew, while theirs blew slightly less.

You'd think stealing unjustly winning Scott Speizio's tickler winning the World Series would humble someone. What a cunt.

No whammies, no whammies

STOP!

I've been pondering what to write about the huge contracts doled out this offseason without saying "OH GOD YOU'RE ALL RETARDED!", and this offseason kind of feels like 2000 all over again. The best comparison I can come up with is related to Press Your Luck contestant Michael Larson, who broke the system. After we got the whole collusion business out of the way, free agents have broke the system again, and are eager to take the dollars before the GM's realize what they just did. As evidence, just look at the free agent market; I can't remember a year where so many top players signed before the Winter Meetings even began. The only real marquee player left on the market is Barry Zito.

How I envy the Cardinals, not only are they in a weak-ass division, and not only do they get 6 free games against the Royals year after year, and not only did they win the World Series, but everyone in their division that actually spends money seems to throw it down the trash can. The Astros paid $100 million to a player who, while very good, doesn't seem like someone who will age well, and was far from elite. Meanwhile, Carlos Beltran is making a similar salary (with one more year), when he could have been a key factor towards the Astros playoff runs in 2005 and 2006. This just goes to show you: When you have a franchise player, you do not let that guy walk. Beltran's move to New York set the Astros back from the moment in happened, and after this years abysmal CF production, it sewed the seeds for the signing of the wrong Carlos. The Astros, by the way, have still done nothing to remedy the fact that Willy Taveras, Brad Ausmus, Adam Everett, and the pitcher will all be batting in their lineup. Craig Biggio is no bet for real production either.

Going back to Beltran, a lot of people (myself included), assumed the leader for his services would be Arte Moreno and the Anaheim Angels. They had a hole, no real prospects who could play center, and the internal options were marginal players at best. Well, after passing him up for Steve Finley, who promptly fell off a cliff faster than SportsCenter did, they were forced to turn to Chone Figgins for much of last year. Once again, the lack of desire to chase a franchise player hurt, and they are going back to the well again this year, with the strange signing of Gary Matthews Jr. for 5 years and 50 million. This contract, like Lee's, will be a sunk cost by year four at the latest; Matthews had a career year and will be 37 by the time the contract ends.

I wonder how much of that 50 million was made just by that one phenomenal catch against the Astros last year.

Slightly better was the contract handed to Juan Pierre, which is damning with bated praise. At an average of one million or so less a year, the Dodgers have their very own league average center fielder. Unlike Matthews, Pierre has been universally weighed as a good defensive center fielder in terms of range. Also unlike Matthews, he's 28 and probably won't fall completely off the cliff by the end of the contract.

One last thing I want to weigh in on regarding these players: The Giants are said to have offered as much or more to all three of these guys. They were fortunate here and it got me to thinking: Without Barry Bonds, would the Giants just be the West Coast Baltimore Orioles?

Just look at their signings the last couple of years:
2006
-Matt Morris, aging rotation vet, horrible.
-Mark Sweeney, aging righty masher
-Tim Worrell, aging mediocre pen arm
-Jose Vizcaino, aging fuck you for Game 1 of the 2000 WS

2005
-Omar Vizquel, aging but surprisingly has played well, although losing a step or 9 defensively.
-Armando Benitez, not quite aging, but horrible.
-Mike Matheny, aging and horrible defensive catcher.
-Jeff Fassero, decomposing
-Moises Alou, aging and pretty good
-Released AJ Pierzynski after giving up Joe Nathan, Francisco Liriano, and Boof Bonser for him.

You have to go back to the Alfonzo and Durham signings after 2002 to find players that were added in their prime to the Giants team. The farm system has been completely barren-exempting players they've traded. They finally came up with Noah Lowry and Matt Cain (who is promising), in the last few years. Before that, we have a list of shredded arms (Jesse Foppert, Kurt Ainsworth), and mediocre starters/passable bench players (Pedro Feliz, Marvin Bernard). When the best you can produce is mediocrity, and you actively engage in losing draft picks to avoid paying them money (Michael Tucker), you need to be signing free agents in their prime to keep the ship moving. The Giants have not done that, and as such look to be in the bleakest non-Pirates/Royals situation of any baseball team over the next few years.

THIS IS THE WORLD SERIES THAT GETS RESULTS

Ok, I'll apologize for not doing this more often. A combination of school and my laptop going down left me as impotent as a Nevada boxing commissioner (recycled Simpsons jokes: the stuff good blogs are made of). Still having a difficult time believing the Cardinals are the World Series Champs, still laughing at the poor AL fans who shoved it in the NL's face all year only to have their champion's pitchers anger the ghost of Fred McGriff.

Anyway, thoughts on who has signed so far:



Matsuzaka goes to the Red Sox, generation of Sox fans with inferiority complex immediately begin wondering how he is "worth" 51 million-Granted, if the Mets had won him I'd have to read about 20 articles about Kaz Matsui; Matsuzaka, in case you haven't been following this blog, is the real deal. I fully expect him to put up a sub 3.5 ERA in Fenway, and at only 26 coming into this year, I'm not really all that surprised by the bid. Finally, the Red Sox get it. They let Pedro Martinez go in 2004 (granted the injuries did pop up this year), so they could sign Matt Clement. When you are a big market club, you are better off overspending for top-tier talent than you are trying to get good deals. Getting good deals doesn't win baseball games, great players win baseball games.


El Duque gets 12 mil/2, Valentin gets 3.8/1 with a vesting option in PA's

I fully expect the Valentin option to not come into play, because the Mets are still making noise about signing another second baseman; Valentin essentially becomes insurance, and when a guy who had a .820 OPS and played terrific defense at second base is your backup plan, I think you're doing a pretty good job. The El Duque contract I'm not as wild about, but I can see how this market would lead to things like El Duque getting 6 mil a year at 41 if Jeff Suppan is going to break the bank. The second year is what bothers me about that more than anything. Also, thanks for getting hurt in September and making Steve Trachsel start 2 postseason games.

(Note: I know that Steve Trachsel would've started in the NLCS anyway. However, with another day to tune up the run machine, it might've been a competitive game. Never underestimate The Run Machine's magic. Don't point the Run Machine at police officers. Please do not marry The Run Machine)

Rays reportedly win Iwamura - The year was 2004, BJ Upton was the best prospect in baseball, getting all sorts of hot press, and looked like the next big thing for the Devil Rays. Upton's fielding, however, wouldn't cooperate at shortstop. Now, he has become just the latest in a long line of US products that have lost to gaining Japanese pres-

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Sorry, where was I? Oh right, Iwamura. Reportedly the Devil Rays have made this move to put him at second base. If this is the case, then I suppose they're going to put Cantu at first and ruin his value to the team (although not his value to the Blogosphere). Iwamura projects about the same as they were saying Johjima would, .292/.348/.446 is nothing to sneeze at. Whither Upton? Expect the Devil Rays to have a short leash on them, but for the Devil Rays, this is the first time they've run into that good problem called "depth". Kudos, Devil Rays. Don't forget to send Melvin Mora my regards as you get those 73 wins you need for fourth place next year.

Mark DeRosa extorts 13 million from the Tribune Company, as with most corporate crimes is not caught - A haiku about Mark DeRosa:
Unconvinced TEX fans
Starting QB at UPenn
Two years too many, Jim

Hendry was off to such a good start too, with the Ramirez (good) and Wood (solid gamble) moves. Fortunately for Cubs fans, the Bears will play deep into January and nobody will realize that any of these moves have happened until 2008.

We could get into the award picks too, but those kind of columns are picked to death every year. Just for the record, I'd take Beltran as NL MVP (defense counts), Jeter in the AL, and have liked most of what the voters have done (asides from narrowly avoiding giving Trevor Hoffman the Cy).

Series Recap: Both series get knotted up

Tigers 3, Cardinals 1 -


Kenny Rogers Kenny Rogers Kenny Rogers Kenny Rogers. Heres a fun fact about today, one of the NFL's best rookies in recent years (Shawne Merriman) got suspended for steroids. Let me go ahead and try to find a column about that. Oh wait, there aren't any. It's not even in the top 5 NFL stories on Yahoo. Kenny Rogers has a smudge of dirt on his hand and all of the sudden reactionary cunts like Dan Wetzel make a huge deal of it. Whoooa it's almost like Gaylord Perry didn't make a career out of that! Anyway, the game. There was no real semblance that this was a game at any point until the ninth inning, when Todd Jones proved that you can suck and still save a three run lead. You can argue about Zumaya and Walker and Rodney being better choices to close, but in a three run game, it doesn't really matter all that much. Teams with a three run lead in the ninth win something like 98% of games.

Fighers 5, Dragons 2

Fuck, I can do this hold on.





FUCK.



Ok, ok.

Ok. The Fighters got a two-run single from Makoto Kaneko in the seventh to take a 3-2 lead and hand forty-one year old Masahiro Yamamoto a loss. Fernando Seguignol added on a two-run home run in the eighth for the final scoreline, and Micheal Nakamura picked up the save. Rookie Tomura Yagi went 6 for the Fighters, allowing just 3 hits and a walk, but two of the hits were solo homers, by Fukudome and Hirokazu Ibata.

Series Recaps: The AL can't hit Braden Looper and Tyrone Woods gets the Bonds treatment

Cardinals 7, Tigers 2

Not much of a chance to point out strategic moves in this game, as the Cardinals handily won the battle of the starters and it was an AL game. I didn't watch any but the last inning of it so I can't comment on the umpiring. I bet the Tigers weren't expecting to lose to Anthony Reyes. It was the first NL World Series win since Game 6 in 2003. All of the sudden, I find myself not rooting against the Cardinals so much. Or at least not caring much if they win. It would rub it in the face of all those AL superiority cunts, and also would make the Mets look better in retrospect even though everyone smart will know that it doesn't matter much.

Dragons 4, Fighters 2

A poor start for my predictions as Kenshin Kawakami overcame early jitters to put up a good effort for he Dragons. Tyrone Woods was walked twice and went 1-2. Alex Ochoa has a chance to become one of very few players to win a World Series and a Japan Series. Bonus points if you find out who the others are with baseball-reference, because I'm sure not that dedicated.

Postseason Recap: One win from the ropes

Mets 12, Cardinals 5
Cardinals 4, Mets 2

Well, lets say it's more like Mets 2, Cardinals 2, Jeff Kellogg 1. His expanding strike zone completely ruined any hopes of the Mets comeback. Not that I'm bitter or anything about the 5 walks the Cardinals recieved as compared to the 2 the Mets got. No, that doesn't factor in at all. As of now the Cardinals are holding the Mets to something stupid like 0 for 31 with 2 outs and RISP, which is both ridiculous and irritating. Irritating only because FOX won't stop harping on it. And no, the Mets offense was not clicking on all cylinders last night, but they were only outhit by two.

All Mets fans have left at this point is "ya gotta believe" and the hope that John Maine remembers his good regular season outings instead of the crapulence he has displayed the last 2 outings. Tommorow the NL could very well have an 83 win team in the World Series. If that doesn't convince the rest of these clubs to spend money, I don't know what will.

Postseason Recap: Leshcart Evets

Tigers 6, Athletics 3

I'll leave the full funeral for this series to Sr. Raymond. Suffice to say, I really doubt it was the best idea to pitch Huston Street for three consecutive innings.

Cardinals 5, Mets 0

Leshcart Evets. Doesn't that sound nice, Steve? Wouldn't you like to say that? Leschart Evets. Leschart Evets.

I have no real analysis for this game. I didn't watch any of it. That is one ugly box score. Lets try to glean positives. 1) The real players in the Mets bullpen got the day off. 2) Steve Trachsel may be injured. 3) Would it really be the National League playoffs if there wasn't a Game 7 that involved Darren Oliver and Jeff Suppan?

The Mets live on, one thing I've noticed about them this year is that they always do better when nobody thinks they've got any chance. Tommorow will involve Oliver Perez, so I suspect that line of thinking will be prevalent. An interesting fact about Oliver Perez is that he's left-handed, which means TLR will probably start Scott Rolen and relegate Scott Spiezio to the bench. An interesting fact about Scott Spiezio is that his beard is made out of dead animal corpses.

Postseason Recap: Fuck. Also, Fuck.

Satanic Fowl 9, Mets 6 - Okay, well. Lets get this out of the way. Willie made a poor move in the seventh leaving Mota in after the first two runners got on. Mota, throughout the postseason, has pitched HORRENDOUSLY in his second inning of work two of three times he has been summoned. Why you would try to go to the well again, I just don't understand. Theres nothing there.

That said, Wagner blew the game. It's going to happen ten percent of the time, it happened here. I'm not going to Benitez this guy, except to say that despite him being a great closer, he has bad games every once in awhile. When the Mets get to the bullpen with a lead, we should be winning 90% of the games. Well, this is the 10%.

Things to be encouraged by: We slapped around Chris Carpenter. We slapped around Carptenter but not Weaver? The difference is in the strike zones. Last night, Tim Welke's strike zone had it's own tax zone, this game, the umpire called it much tighter, but blew a few more calls (which I'll get into). If we can get their best pitcher down, we should be able to whip the rest of them.

Gotta hand it to the Cardinal relievers, they just keep getting clutch outs. The Beltran double play was one of the turning points of the game. They stranded Lo Duca on second with one out as well. These guys will eventually turn south though, they are pitching over their heads in my opinion.

Okay, John Maine. Not a productive outing in any way, shape, or manner. Heres what I saw: First inning was wonderful. Second inning, he had the 2-2 to Edmonds called a ball, and that call got to him and he started trying to be too perfect. At that point, he kept on getting ahead of the hitters, but he would throw junk pitches from 0-2 to 4-2. That killed him. Then after the Edmonds homer, he just gave up any sembelance of command and started throwing ball after ball and hoping they'd put it in play and get out. Not a great approach. He needs to work on his approach with runners on base, and he really does seem shell-shocked out there. Chillax kid.

Also, I have written a haiku about Scott Spiezio:
Who dyes a beard red?
A white trash cunt haunts Mota.
Start Scott Rolen, please.

Detroit 3, Oakland 0
Well if Kenny Rogers is just going to do this every game, we're not going to have much of a World Series. This wasn't a matter of the A's stranding runners; this was a matter of their asses getting REAMED.

I'd ask the A's to emulate the Boston Red Sox, but then their fans would all turn into smug cunts too; theres no need for more smug cunts in this world.

Postseason Recap: A's falter, Weaver good?

Detroit 5, Oakland 1
Detroit 8, Oakland 5

In game one, the A's came out a lot like the Twins did in their first couple of games: fighting and clawing to strand every runner possible. They managed to score one on a groundout, but took the dreaded 0-for with RISP that decided this game. The Tigers got three of their runs on two out RBI's as Barry Zito took his potential FA treasure trove from 15 million a year to 14 million a year.

In game two, the Tigers got a career game from the unlikely Alexis Gomez and started Neifi Perez for some reason as they KO'ed Esteban Loaiza. Oh I know Sean Casey is injured. Theres just still no reason to ever start Neifi Perez. The A's stranded eight more runners and couldn't knock out Nate Robertson.

I had an idea that the Tigers may be doing this by putting low OBP/high SLG guys in the lineup, thinking maybe that they were drawing fewer walks, however, they've drawn the second most among teams remaining. Maybe it's just that since everyone in the lineup other than Polanco is a power threat, pitchers still have to pitch carefully. Wheras good pitchers won't walk hitters like David Eckstein in the postseason.

Mets 2, Satanic Fowl 0

I like Carlos Beltran. He hits homers for the New York Mets.

No really, I saw someone on ESPN this morning (Brantley? I think) talking about how stupid it was for TLR to leave Jeff Weaver in to face him. Jeff Weaver had a one-hit shutout and there were two outs. If Tony had taken him out in that instance, it would've been GROSS incompetence. A bigger problem for the Redbirds is that with the Mets' perceived ability to not be able to hit left-handers, they used Tyler Johnson for 20 pitches and this series is going to play five straight games (or four, I wouldn't complain if there were four). The only other left-hander in their pen is Randy "BERMAN THINKS I AM FUNNY" Flores, who had a 5.8 ERA.

My gut reaction when I saw the Mets rotation being put to the test in five straight games was it was going to hurt the Mets because Randolph wouldn't be able to be as proactive. But what about the Satanic Fowl? They have just two left-handers in their pen. Also, their bullpen is horrendous. I don't care what they've done so far in the postseason, the only real pitcher of any competence is Wainwright.

(No Box Scores Yet)
Nippon Ham Fighers 3, Softbank Hawks 1
Nippon Ham Fighers 1, Softbank Hawks 0

In game one, right-hander Yu Darvish turned out to be too much for the Hawks, as he threw a CG and struck out eleven. Darvish allowed his run in the first on a sacrifice fly after back-to-back hits and a bunt. The Fighters took the lead for good on Tsuyoshi Shinjo's two-out single in the third.

Another gutwrenching loss for Kazumi Saito in Game Two, as he went a CG and only gave up the winning run in the ninth off an infield single to Atsunori Inaba. He had walked the leadoff hitter, Hichori Morimoto, on four pitches. He was bunted over, and then they intentionally walked PL HR King Michihiro Ogasawara to pitch to Fernando Seguignol. Seguignol struck out, but the infield single by Inaba won the game for the Figters. Saito was matched by 22-year-old rookie lefthander Tomoya Yagi, who threw the CG SO for the Fighters to send them to their first Japan Series since 1981.

In other news, Chunichi clinched the CL by taking the Yomiuri Giants 9-3 in 12 innings. Fukudome broke the tie with a bases loaded single and then Tyrone Woods put the game away for good with his second grand slam in two days, and 47th of the year (leading all of Japanese baseball). Ham Fighters-Dragons will meet in the Japan Series, and FC will be previewing it here sometime this coming week.

Postseason Recap: St. Louis, Softbank, advance.

Softbank 11, Seibu 3 (Game 2)
Softbank 6, Seibu 1 (Game3)

And so the evil Kaz Matsui-enabling bastards are vanquished in their home dome by the Softbank Hawks. After winning game one by a 1-0 result, Softbank's bats stepped up and creamed the weak non-Matsuzaka Seibu pitchers. Both games were close through the first couple of innings, then Softbank's superior bats won out on the poor Lions bullpen. It was 5-3 after seven in game two, and then Seibu launched a five run inning in the ninth to make it a laugher, keyed by home runs from Matsunaka and Zuleta. The big key that came out of game two? Never trust anyone named Ishii.

In game three, back-to-back walks in the eighth set up a huge three-run blast by Zuleta to put the game out of reach. Softbank will advance to the second stage of the PL to meet the #1 seed Nippon Ham Fighters. They will have to win three out of four to advance.

Cardinals 6, Padres 2 - Bochy's been ruining this series for the Padres faithful throughout, so it was only fitting that he ruined the one chance he had to get back into the game as well.

With runners on the corners and nobody out in the eighth, and TLR's platoon pitcher system fully in place, a lefty was brought in to turn around Josh Bard. Would Bochy respond by pinch-hitting with Mike Piazza? No, he would let Bard ground out, pinch-hit with Piazza AFTER the fact, and then lead us into a situation where TLR could bring in the right-hander to retire him. Well, at least San Diego fans have the Chargers.

Postseason Recap: The Best Day Ever...for bitter Mets fans.

Tigers 8, Yankees 3 - An Tigers-A's ALCS. I'm sure FOX is banging on MLB's door demanding more seven game series as we speak.

Actually, as we speak, the motions have already begun for the fun offseason ride that the Yankees will be on. Joe Torre, according to the NY Daily News, is expected to step aside so that the Yankees can sign Lou Piniella. I love this move for the Yankees- they do need a fire under their ass. I'm a staunch supporter of the theory that there are only 3 types of managers: players managers, hardass managers, and McCarthy/Weaver level managers. When your team needs a change of pace, you are better off changing between players/hardass managers than you are sitting on your hands.

ESPN has also already started it's ARod watch, and since you asked me, I'll tell you about my dream: I would love Alex Rodriguez to join the San Francisco Giants.

Let me explain. Barry Bonds + Alex Rodriguez = Profit. Two of the best players in baseball history, two people that the media can't leave alone. The Giants will be shedding a ton of salary and are looking to move into a new era, the Yankees could ask for maybe Matt Cain/Noah Lowry, Pedro Feliz (I guess? Let me dream here), some salary filler. This would be ESPN's wet dream. They'd buy an entire Econosuite and tell Pedro Gomez to live there and follow the two of them around all day. Reality TV series. Theres just nothing that wouldn't rule about this. Imagine the two of them trying to interact? Bonds doesn't give a fuck what anyone thinks of him, ARod cares what everyone thinks of him. This has to happen.

Padres 3, Cardinals 1
OFFENSIVE OUTBURST. Trevor Hoffman finally got to see the field, and the Padres won despite stranding fourteen runners. Good to see the monkey off their backs. Game four is a must-win for the Cardinals in this series. If the Cardinals lose, they'll have seen their ace chased off the field and be looking at Jeff Weaver on three days rest or Jason Marquis for a decisive Game five. Luckily for them, I can't see the Cardinals losing this game. Then again, I couldn't see them dropping 30 games in a row to end the season, and that happened too.

Mets 9, Dodgers 5
I didn't watch the last half of this game, but even despite that, I knew this team would win. They've been head and shoulders above the NL for the whole year, and even despite their rotation being Tom Glavine, John Maine, The Run Machine, and Oliver Perez; they have to be favored over either team they face in the NLCS too, I'd think. Shawn Green played like a man who was pissed off that they traded him away instead of Roberto Alomar, which was a big plus. Randolph was pro-active with the pen again, not letting the lead get away; and as a result, the pen has four days off. Teams that start Marlon Anderson in left field in the postseason are 0-3. Just sayin'.

Expect the recaps for the LCS' to be longer, as there will be less teams to cover. Also, expect someone else to have a blog at some point. Maybe.

Postseason Recap: Five game series are the spawn of the devil

Tigers 4, Yankees 3

Tigers 6, Yankees 0

Funny little thing happened on the way to the Yankees winning the World Series, as they find themselves down 2-1 and sending Jaret Wright to the hill with their playoff lives at stake.

Over at ESPN, we had a bigger split, but the two teams most favored were the Yankees and the Twins. Whoops. I didn't catch most of game two, but I don't think any lineup in the planet was going to put more than six runs in against Kenny Rogers tonight. It's a five game series, and when you play a five game series, these things are bound to happen. Look at these series: Three of the four home teams are losing, and the team that's winning lost two of their best starters and was considered at best a 50/50 proposition against a hot Dodger team. What does that tell us? Nothing matters once you get in a five game series. The sooner MLB figures this out, the sooner we will have the best teams playing deeper into October.

A lot of people are going to point the blame at ARod again for his anemic showing in pinstripes, and you know, rightfully so I guess. But what gets lost up in all his crapulence is that two offseasons ago, the Yankees paid a pretty big price to acquire a stopper for their postseason teams. Randy Johnson has come in, been mediocre in both seasons, and has gotten bombed in two PIVOTAL game threes that have put his team against the wall in back-to-back ALDS'.

Cardinals 2, Padres 0

We have an eighty-three win team here that is one win from the NLCS. And you thought the NL playoffs would lack excitement. The Padres were shutout by Jeff Weaver, which is almost unfathomable. Bruce Bochy really needs to get it through his head that Mike Piazza needs to be starting every game when your team has scored one run in two games.

The deeper question here is: Why didn't anyone else see this coming? Obviously the Cardinals swooned and the Padres were hot, a key factor for people predicting the postseason (This is why the A's were so good in the postseason in 01-03...wait a minute). But, we were really ready to say that a team that starts Geoff Blum at shortstop and Russ Branyan at third base is going to the NLCS? Really? If I were a Cardinals batter I would just slap the ball to that side and hope for the best. It would work most of the time.

Also: Adventures in playoff Bullpen Management.
Scott Linebrink and Trevor Hoffman: one-third of an inning in two games. How does this guy have his job still? I understand it's San Diego and all the owners are too busy living it up in that beautiful city to give a shit, but Bochy has completely fallen asleep at the wheel and cost his team a chance to win at least Game 1 and arguably Game 2 as well.

Mets 4, Dodgers 1

Remember when I told you guys that I hoped Endy Chavez started? Well, that was everything I expected. Not only is he one of the few sparkplugs against left-handers for the Mets, but he actually has the speed and defense to play right-field. Instead of say, Mr. Shawn Green, who has checked out like Roberto Alomar did, minus the head first dives into first base on every play.

This game made me happy. Although we did have to deal with Steve Lyons and Thom Brennaman, who seem to get worse every season. The Mets can't hit lefties blah blah blah. Would it be that hard to give everyone else a chance? This isn't the 1970's anymore. Also, FOX's game presentation continues to be despicable in every imaginable way. Focusing on Chevy billboard ads, zoom ins on every goddamn face, finding every stupid fucking e-list celebrity who ever came to the game (WHOA THERES MATT DILLON! MARY JO HART GOES TO DODGERS GAMES!). I think despite the disparity between every baseball fan's situation, we can put all that aside so we can focus on the worst moment for all of baseball this season: When FOX kept the playoff rights for 7 more years.

A's 8, Twins 3

I'd like to congratulate Jon Raymond on his teams triumphant return to winning postseason series. Since I have nothing to add to this game besides my love of ex-Met Marco Scutaro, I'd like to take on something else here.

Tommy Lasorda commercials. I know it's an obvious (and failing) ploy to get fans of baseball to watch games that don't involve their teams, but I don't think it's doing it for me. Heres what they should've done: Everyone who is a real baseball fan gets sick of this commercial anyway, so instead of airing the commercial normally, have Tommy be featured in every other commercial, then switch the tapes to keep people wondering when they'd see Lasorda again.

Come on, like you wouldn't want to see the dialogue Tommy would have with the Ruby Tuesday's guys. Or John Cougar Mellencamp. Or that chick who gets pissy about them frying green beans. It would be clever, unexpected, and would make people want to watch commercials. Thats exactly why it will never happen.

Postseason Recap: Managers clueless as to when to pull their starters

Yesterday in the opening day of the postseason, we had not one, but two dreadful managing moves that arguably cost teams the chance to get back into games:

Cardinals 5 @ Padres 1

In the fifth inning, with it being a 4-0 game already, Padres manager Bruce Bochy intended to pinch-hit Ryan Klesko in for Jake Peavy, but instead the Padres went to the bench 1-2-3. Instead of double-switching in Todd Walker (who he left in after pinch-hitting in the next inning) anyway, he left Peavy out there to give up another run, which ran the game to 5-0, an almost insurmountable deficit. Had he gone to his bullpen after the fifth, remembering that he had a day off tommorow so there was no need to hold anyone back (not that this didn't work out for him, but I'm just saying), he probably could have gotten zeros or thereabouts for the game. If the game was only 4-1 instead of 5-1, he probably wouldn't have pinch-hit with Mark Bellhorn in the one opportunity they really had to get back into the game, as he would've only needed a single to take it to a one-run game instead of an extra-base hit. Once you get into that scenario, who knows what could happen?

Tigers 4 @ 8 Yankees

After scoring three to get back into this game in the top of the fifth, Tigers skipper Jim Leyland (inexplicably reminding me of war vet dad of Mike Cooper) decided to leave Nate Robertson out there for not one extra inning, but two. This after he had already been shelled for five runs in the third. I understand that the Yankees lineup is good enough to score on any pitcher, but giving them a third or fourth crack at Robertson after they had already solved him is inexcusable. Let Jason Grilli get his chance, let Rodney and Ledezma go a few if you have to. There was no reason to let Robertson give up those extra two runs that buried the Tigers under a huge lead again.

I was also pleased to learn that Chien-Ming Wang is a fan of pasta.

We'll be right back, here on the FOX Future Considerations baseball entertainment fun hour, now featuring actual baseball!



WHAT IF A COMEDIAN RAN FOR PRESIDENT?

What if he won?


WAH WAH WAH CAN I MAKE BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN MY SECRETARY OF STATE HAHA JUST A TEEEENY JOKE THERE KIDS


WHO DO YOU WORK FOR?

Buck: Oops looks like we missed the actual first pitch of the at-bat and they threw over to first and the ball got away, haha. But at least you got to see that commercial where Chevy said that it was American because they helped haul wood to New Orleans after Katrina. Doesn't that make you want a nice heavy duty car regardless of the fact that it's mad overpriced and not as good as Japanese cars? Haha. It should! Also, buy Budweiser because people like to rub my neck.

McCarver: I KNOW I SURE DO JOE DO YOU WANT TO HELP ME PLAY LEGOS

Athletics 3 @ Twins 2

The game relegated to the noon slot so that FOX could continue it's ongoing YES mk. II transformation was the best of the day, with Johan Santana and Barry Zito (assist to free-swinging Twins) turned in an amazing pitcher's duel that was tense into the very last inning. A lot of people questioned Gardenhire's decision to bring in Crain instead of Nathan or Neshek, and had they done that, we might still be playing baseball right now with how deep the A's and Twins bullpens go. The bigger blunder (shockingly leading to me agree with Joe Morgan), was letting Castillo attempt to steal that bag in the first when Zito was having command problems.

Tune back in tommorow, when I will rant about how stupid people are to think that the Mets are done in the NL without Pedro. Or, alternately, where I rip into people on our team for not hitting Derek Lowe. Either way, it should be fun.

Slow Country 21 (3:01:25 AM): i'm pretty into greg norton | TheTV17NewsTeam (3:01:31 AM): he comes back every two years or so!

Tonight's big theme seemed to be rain. The start of two of today's most crucial games were delayed in excess of three hours. The Bucs and Astros got underway shortly after four p.m. EST after a scheduled start time of 12:35. Tom Gorzelanny was the good soldier for our guys, taking the loss despite allowing just six baserunners in seven innings. He probably deserved a better fate, but there was no way the Pirates were about to actually try to get hits against Roy Oswalt. It was clear neither team really wanted to be there, and the game was played in a brisk 2:15.

Meanwhile, Tony's boys continued to watch their season slip dangerously out of control, getting reamed by the Brewers 9-4 at Busch II. Jason Marquis allowed 6 earned runs in 2 innings, his ERA climbing above the 6.00 mark. I really can't believe a self-proclaimed genius like Tony La Russa has let that guy make 33 starts this season. Marquis has approached Shawn Chacon levels of awfulness which is even more impressive given that Marquis has pitched about 80 more innings than the Alaskan Wonder.

This leaves the Astros just a half game behind the Cardinals. I've never been so happy to get swept by Houston in my life.

If being at PNC Park at the scheduled game time was an awful experience, the Phillies and Nats had to wait nearly four and a half hours to start playing baseball. The Phillies, however, were a little too eager to get the hell out of Washington, as they forgot to actually to win the game, falling meekly to Mike O'Connor, Jon Rauch, Nook Logan, and company, 3-1. This game, like the "day game" in Pittsburgh, was in the books within two and a half hours of the first pitch.

To make up for this speed baseball, the Dodgers and Rockies took literally all afternoon to single-handedly disprove the humidor theory, scoring a combined total of 30 runs on 33 base hits, 18 walks, 2 errors, 2 wild pitches, a hit batsman, a passed ball, and I'll refrain from making a cheesy "12 Days of Christmas" joke. Dodgers first baseman James Loney drove in nine runs in five at-bats on the day, one more than he'd had all season coming into that game in 93 at-bats. There were many fun facts to be unearthed from this mess of a box score, but one nugget outshone all the others. I learned that Mike Venafro, Instant Messenger Hero, is somehow still pitching in the Major Leagues, four years after being labelled as "finished" in Moneyball. Take that, Billy Beane.

As a result of all of that nonsense, the Phillies find themselves two games behind Los Angeles in the race for the National League Wild Card with three games to go. It's not looking good for Philadelphians, but then again, it's never really looking good for them; they live in Philadelphia.

There were some games played in the American League too, I think. The Toronto Blue Jays continued their quest for second place in the American League East by beating the Tigers, 8-6 in ESPN's "Day Game." The Blue Jays are now a full game up on the Red Sox, who are simply not very good. Not that the city of Boston is aware of this or anything, as most are still convinced the team has had a playoff spot locked up since mid-July. What a shock they will get when they turn on their TVs at the start of the postseason and wonder why the Red Sox are all of a sudden playing their home games at the Metrodome.

What they'll really be seeing are the Twins playing host to the Oakland A's, since the Twins appear poised to take the division crown from the struggling Tigers after tying Detroit for the division lead by toying with the Royals for 8 innings before tying the game in the 9th and winning in the 10th. This will consign the Tigers to opening the postseason in New York.

The only other A.L. game of note was one that really had no right to be nationally televised. As it happened, I was duped into watching two full innings of Yankees/Orioles, only to see Daniel Cabrera not pitch a no-hitter. In a way, that's karma. That's what the assholes at ESPN get for deciding to air a completely meaningless game during the last week of the season.

Nothing else in the American League was relevant at all, although I did happen to notice that Greg Norton hit his 16th home run for the Tampa Bay Devil Rays. Somehow, Greg Norton has accumulated 283 at-bats for the Rays this season, tying his career high in home runs and slugging percentage and setting new career marks in batting average and on-base percentage at the age of 34. I don't know why. Dave Littlefield doesn't know why, either, but that won't stop him from unveiling Mr. Norton as our big offseason acquisition.

Finally, the biggest off-the-field news in the world of Major League Baseball was the Mets announcing that Pedro Martinez is all kinds of messed up (torn calf) and will miss the entire postseason. The Mets postseason rotation is now two 40-year-olds, Steve Trachsel, and John Maine. I have to think (and Chris may disagree with me) that this really evens the odds between the Mets and the rest of the N.L. playoff field. Which, from my point of view makes the N.L. playoffs much more exciting since it looks to be much more of a crapshoot.