New England (-5.5) @ Green Bay - The Packers rank second in Adjusted Line Yards, a Football Outsiders stat that tells you what kind of running game the line is generating. Brett Favre has all day to throw and doesn't have to make foolish interceptions because he has a good o-line again. It's sort of funny how Green Bay can create a good offensive line in one offseason and the Texans are still looking for one. My gut in this game says Packers, but you have to remember that my first half of the season was so horrifying picking ATS that I just reverted to using a Sacajawea coin. Sadly, the Patriots won. Patriots
Atlanta @ Baltimore (-4) -
Fuck it. Ravens
Oakland @ Kansas City (-9.5) - I'm with Will, except I'm paying attention to my gut here. Green comes back rusty, the Raiders defense puts up a respectable showing, and this just kind of feels like one of those 13-10 games. Raiders
Buffalo @ Houston (-2.5) - This is the kind of trap game that everyone ends up calling for the Texans throughout their history, only to see us blow it. If we do win this game, maybe I could be convinced that we've turned a corner, become a real NFL franchise. But, this is the Texans we're talking about, and the Bills looked pretty impressive hanging with Indy last week.
28.5% of the Houston Texans franchise wins have come against the Jacksonville Jaguars. That number doesn't change this week. Bills
Minnesota @ Miami (-3.5) - I'd go as far as to say that these are the same teams. 2 really good defenses, 2 horrendous quarterbacks who have been known to manage the game, Miami gets the homefield advantage points. So, how do I decide who wins this game?
I guess I'm just gonna have to go with The Dugout
Cincinnati @ New Orleans (-3.5) - Ocho Cinco is an important number for this game. Chad Johnson needs another day like last Sunday for the Bengals to win, it's the over/under for points between both teams, it's how many consecutive times Reggie Bush has been stuffed at the line of scrimmage this year. The end of the Saints fluke season begun last week, it continues here. Bengals
Chicago @ New York Jets (-7) - Well, the Bears are involved. So that either means it will be a 30 point win or a 7 point win. Me, I tend to go with my gut instinct. And my gut instinct was "this looks like the score of this football game".
I of course, don't mean Vegas got the spread right. I think the Bears will win 0 to -7. Robbie Gould tacks on a field goal. Bears.
Philadelphia (-13) @ Cunts - Albert Haynesworth returns to action, and whatever crew has to watch this bloodbath will get plenty of time to talk about how reprehensible he is, starting about midway through the second quarter. Eagles.
Pittsburgh (-3.5) @ Cleveland - In a vicious twist of irony, the Dawg Pound starts biting Joey Porter. However, this will happen with the Browns down 23-10 in the fourth. Steelers
Tampa Bay (-3) @ Washington - Maybe I'm all alone this year, but I think the Redskins have enough talent to win this game. Jason Campbell is better than Mark Brunell this year by virtue of him being able to complete a pass to a wide reciever, and the only real weakness if that shores up is the fact that the Redskins secondary looks like they were trained by Matt Stevens. Gradkowski, however, can't do anything about this, as he's not that good. Redskins
Detroit @ Arizona (-2). Josh McCown catches the game winning touchdown on a Hail Mary with 8 seconds left, because Denny Green leaves him uncovered downfield, as he thought he was a quarterback. We all know how strongly Denny feels about who he thinks people were. Lions
Seattle (-4) @ San Francisco - Seattle's schedule has as many cupcakes as Boise State's, but they don't have that nifty blue field to make people love them. Seahawks
Indianapolis (-1) @ Dallas - A lot of people are jumping on the Cowboy wagon this week. Don't bother guys, Peyton doesn't really start struggling until the division is officially clinched. Besides, aren't we like three weeks removed from the Cowboys being universally regarded as horrendous? Colts
San Diego @ Denver (-2.5) - I think the Chargers are the best team in the NFL. They'll be winning this game handily in the third quarter, and from then on it's just how many points the Broncos score off of Marty Schottenheimer's feared three and out run up the middle offense. Chargers
New York Giants @ Jacksonville (-3.5) - I say the good Jacksonville team shows up this week. They aren't playing the Texans, the Giants have been horrendous in their last two games, and Jack Del Rio gets to wear a suit. Somebody has to win with a suit. Jaguars