The Minnesota Twins can suck my dick

No not really. I'm only kidding about that. I've really got no beef with the Twins. Francisco Liriano and Johan Santana will be a fun duo to watch for years. But, as it unfortunately turns out, the Tigers are a load of big lame meanie chokers, and that leaves my A's stuck against this formidable squad we call the Minnesota Twins. Now, go take a look around the baseball internet world for a few minutes. Come back to me.



Find anybody who thinks the A's have a snowball's chance?


Go around. Look some more.









Didn't think so. So I'm here to present to you why exactly I think we DO have a chance:

A) Billy Beane's $#!@ has to work in the playoffs eventually. One of these stupid philosophies has to bear some fruit. If the slow, powerful OBP Moneyball guys couldn't ever get it done, then these swing away, run swiftly and play good defense A's have to be able to buck the trend a little bit. Right? Riiiiight?

B) They've got Johan, but we've got Barry, and Dan, and Esteban, and Rich. That's nice that Johan will, at the very least, get two starts, all but assuring the Twins at least two wins. But after that they've got a host of mediocrities (Boof notwithstanding. He's a fine pitcher, but he's a rookie. I'm allowed to count that against him in a clearly biased pro-A's article. Cut me some slack), whereas we can boast a solid pitcher in every matchup. More importantly, if he's healthy, and he's on, Rich Harden is every bit as dominating as Johan Santana is. Now it's debateable that he will be, in fact likely that he won't be, but when you've got him as a weapon in your arsenal, and you've got three solid pitchers in Loaiza (second half Loaiza. Dude was all sorts out of wack in the first half, but he really is a solid pitcher), Zito, and Haren who can give you a reasonable shot to win in every game, you're in a good position. Afraid as I am of Boofie and Brad Radke and Carlos Silva and Matt Garza, I'm simply not going to roll over and concede this series because of one Johan Santana.

C) Frank Thomas. Thomas is the single most feared hitter in this series. (Yes, yes, Justin Morneau. I know, I know. But go look at the numbers. Where it matters, they had nearly identical seasons, and given that, who are you going to be more afraid of, the absolutely gigantic black man who's a future hall of famer, or the white-as-snow Canadian Morneau? That's what I thought. Now get off my back.) Frank Thomas, moreso than any other hitter in the series (Morneau still included. If the A's are to win anything, mystique and aura have to count for something, and Frank Thomas most certainly beats you in mystique and aura, Mr. Morneau) has the potential to change the entire outcome of the game with one swing. As good as Santana is, I'll give Big Frank a chance against him every time, and if we happen to luck into a position where Frank can get a couple at bats with guys on, we've got as good a shot at scoring off Santana as you can hope.

D) Our bullpen. I trust our bullpen. It may not necessarily be better than the Twins' (I mean really they have a pretty kickass bullpen, just look at some of those numbers when you get the chance) but if we can build a lead behind Zito or any of the other guys in these games we've got a solid, two inning shut down reliever in Justin Duchscherer, a reliable guy who can pick up after a short start or go extra innings in Chad Gaudin, a solid lefty who's been getting big outs in big situations this year in Joe Kennedy, an electric arm in Kiko Calero, and a pretty solid closer in Huston Street who has all the nice intangibles you want out of a playoff closer. Again, all we need is, for three times out of five, a solid start for 6 innings whereupon we can hand it to a really fungible, really reliable bullpen. That's doable.

E) $*@!#%& inevitability. From 2000-2003, we were a pretty reasonable bet to win our division series, at times even the favorite. All four times we lost in five games, at times under ridiculously bad luck scenarios. So now, in 2006, a huge underdog, what reason have I to think that being the favorite is all that meaningful?

F) Finally, our awesome grit and intangible bullshit that depending on who you listen to MUST be what the 2000-2003 A's lacked. Barry Zito is a playoff tested vet. Eric Chavez has been there before too. Frank Thomas is a future hall of famer who's been there before and won a ring last year. Nick Swisher is a vibrant, loose character, the kind of personality that excels when the attention is at its peak. Jason Kendall is the definition of "smart, gritty veteran" who can provide all the leadership nonsense. Ditto Mark Kotsay. Mark Ellis and Marco Scutaro are "professionals." Dan Haren is a "battler." The bullpen has "poise." Huston Street has "ice in his veins." To me, all of this is nonsense. But you know what, the mainstream media creams its collective pants over all of it and maybe now that we have it we'll get past the first round. It of course won't be why we get past the first round, but it'll make for a nice Bruce Jenkins column or something.

And, before I forget, MOST importantly:

G) The playoffs are a damn crapshoot. Plain and simple. Unless you're the Mets in this year's National League, there's no particularly fantastic reason to think you're a shoe in to get anywhere. Most notably, the 2001 and 2002 A's burned a hole through my heart, so the notion that a powerhouse team is a given in any playoff situation is meaningless to me. We've got just as good a chance at beating the Twins as the Twins do at beating us. Stranger things have happened, I've seen them happen, and I'm all but certain that "shit happens" was popularized by a group of people following playoff baseball. Shit most certainly happens. And this is is our year where the shit that happens finally goes our way.