A complete loss for words

Alright, so I've sort of missed the boat on the recent wave of traffic that's been hitting FC. Mad props to Chris and Jonny and everyone else for getting this place linked on Deadspin, among other plaudits. I've been keeping a low profile, however, for a few reasons. Mainly, once FC started actually getting traffic from time to time, I didn't feel like 5,000-word rants about the Pirates would be a positive thing for the site. And it helped that even I was tired of whining about how much God hates me for sticking me with the sports world's version of a fate worse than death.

But, y'know, today is supposed to be the day when it might actually be permissable for the morons who've been assfucked into supporting a dead-end, no-hope baseball franchise to feel some sort of optimism for the future.

But no. Not for me. Not ever.

Today, in the first four rounds, the Pirates used their allotted draft picks on the following players:

• A college reliever. And not just any college reliever, but the BEST ONE IN THE DRAFT CLASS!!! Oh wait, that's fucking useless when it's been proven time and time again that an effective bullpen is far and away the easiest thing to assemble. The vast majority of relievers today were starters in the minor leagues who weren't good enough to start and got converted to the bullpen. You wouldn't know this from watching this train wreck of a front office, though.
• A college starter who is projected to be a #4 or 5 in the majors...IF he can develop a changeup or improve a mediocre curveball. Oh yeah, he's already had labrum issues in the past. I'm assuming by this point Dave Littlefield has Dr. Andrews on speed dial.
• A college shortstop who hits line drives and is a project defensively. Apparently, the fact that the Pirates have approximately two players at the Major League level who are capable of hitting home runs on a remotely consistent basis. Granted, I was wrong about Brian Bixler, whose profile reads almost word-for-word the same as this guy, but come on. We don't need another Brian Bixler because we have one already.
• A high school center fielder who from what I can gather is already being billed as a massive overdraft. He wasn't in any top-200 lists, and there were still several consensus top 100s available. He's fast, though. Of course! He's a CREECHLING.

So there it is. I mean, you know it has to be bad when I'm spurred to write for FC. I'm standing on the precipice, slowly being pushed towards the edge. But no matter how badly I want to just turn my back and walk away, I can't make myself do it. Maybe someone out there has some idea of how I can quit, but for now, and for the forseeable future, I'm stuck wondering what kinds of horrific things I did in my previous life to deserve this.