Sunday, October 01, 2006

"You know, I could be a Latino, or whatever."

Throughout his career, nobody could quite match the dominance that Chris Gatling provided. Gatling once played 85 games in a season! He also, less excitingly, is a deadbeat dad. And of course, he's a dynamo in the Russian league, playing with Sergei Monia and Victor Khryapa, as well as saying that his favorite curse words are blyad and suka. In fact, if you have the time, I reccomend that whole site. Chris Gatling puts up a few blogs there, including this gem:

"It was in a ho house club, and every girl in there was fine. I mean fine! Better than Miami....Couple birthday shots, you know. They all talk a little English. Having sex is not that hard. $150 to $200 American, and I didn't do a thing....So we go to another club, some strip club, but like the same thing. Okay, not great. I'm getting tired, so we stay for a couple of hrs and then jet."

Having sex is not that hard. Hopefully, a band names themselves that someday.

But really, what we are here to look at today is the roots of the Chris Gatling trades. What has become of the players he has been traded for? Who have the deals tended to favor? I'll also be recording "Sons of Gatling"--players either acquired for or with Gatling and any players involved in their next transaction that are still in the league--so you can see just how deep this goes. You know, the deal could be latino. Or whatever.

February 22, 1996: Golden State trades Tim Hardaway and Chris Gatling to Miami for Kevin Willis and Bimbo Coles.

Obviously this was a huge win for the Heat on paper, but we want to know more about who is left over from this trade. Hardaway was a catalyst for the Heat for many years before he was shipped off to Dallas for a second round pick that ended up becoming Jackie Butler. Not a horrible second round pick, and we'll see what he can really do in San Antonio this year. Willis would play a total of 18 games for Golden State before walking as a free agent, Coles would be dealt with Duane Ferrell and the rights to Jason Terry to Atlanta for Mookie Blaylock and the rights to Jeff Foster, who was sent off to Indiana for Vonteego Cummings and a future first round pick that, as best as I can tell, was lost in another trade. And you wondered why the Warriors were so bad.

SONS OF GATLING: Jason Terry, Jackie Butler, Jeff Foster

February 18, 1997: New Jersey Nets trade Shawn Bradley, Robert Pack, Ed O'Bannon and Khalid Reeves to Dallas Mavericks for Jim Jackson, Eric Montross, Sam Cassell, Chris Gatling and George McCloud

Shawn Bradley never left Dallas for the rest of his career. Also,
Anyway, it's a good thing he didn't, because not much else came out of this deal for the Mavericks. Robert Pack was dealt in another four team trade (Gatling syndrome), which netted the Mavericks Bill Curley (to be used in another Gatling trade!), Howard Eisley (who was a backup Mavs point for a year before he got dealt again), and Dana Barros (who never played for the Mavericks and was dealt for the immortal Loy Vaught). Ed O'Bannon played in only 19 games before getting waived, and Khalid Reeves would start for the Mavs in 1998 before they got their hands on Steve Nash.

This would start the beginning of the Jim Jackson Journey, which could very well be the followup to the Sons Of Gatling. For the purposes of this post though, he was dealt along with Eric Montross (buddies for life!) and the draft rights to Tim Thomas and Anthony Parker for Michael Cage, Lucious Harris, Don McLean and the draft rights to Keith Van Horn, who would later become a Maverick. Sam Cassell gets talked about in the next trade, and George McCloud was later dealt for the decaying corpse of Joe Kleine, a 1997 1st round pick, and a conditional second round 1997 pick, the first of which ended up being...Anthony Parker.

SONS OF GATLING: Tim Thomas, Anthony Parker, Keith Van Horn, Shawn Bradley

Mar 11, 1999: In a three-way trade: the Minnesota Timberwolves traded Stephon Marbury, Chris Carr and Bill Curley to New Jersey Nets for Sam Cassell, Chris Gatling, Brian Evans and a 1st round and 2nd round selection, the Minnesota Timberwolves then trade Sam Cassell, Chris Gatling, and Paul Grant to the Milwaukee Bucks for Terrell Brandon, Elliott Perry, the Milwaukee Bucks then traded Elliott Perry to New Jersey Nets.

Theres a lot of players to talk about here. Stephon Marbury played three star crossed seasons in New Jersey before he ended up getting dealt for Jason Kidd (in a deal that also involved Chris Dudley). Chris Carr was so great that his number one Google search result is a car driver, this is the end of his career relevance. Bill Curley as well, although at last check this is the most times anyone has ever said Bill Curley in a single article.

Sam Cassell chipped in four stellar seasons in Milwaukee before the Timberwolves' point guard in this deal caught the injury bug, and the T-Wolves ended up acquiring Cassell by giving up Joe Smith's secret contract and Anthony Peeler. You need to type "Brian Evans" just to find any mention of Brian Evans. The Nets first round pick ended up being Wally Szczerbiak, which is good, because the Timberwolves used their other first rounder that year on Wiliam Avery. Paul Grant finished out the 98-99 season and then came back for a cameo on the 2003-2004 Utah Jazz, which is only notable because it gave us this picture:

Terrell Brandon put up a few stellar years for the Timberwolves before his degenerative knee forced him to retire and become a fun expiring contract, which was later dealt in a four team trade that involved Glenn Robinson, Marc Jackson and a second round pick that was dealt in a subsequent trade to the 76ers, Brandon's contract and a 2007 first round pick to the Hawks, Latrell Sprewell to the Wolves, and Keith Van Horn to the Knicks. In many ways, Terrell Brandon is to thank for that one magical season where the Wolves made it to the Western Conference Finals. The google news link I got while searching for Brandon? Terrell Owens says he didn't try to commit suicide.

SONS OF GATLING: Sam Cassell, Stephon Marbury, Jason Kidd, Joe Smith, Marc Jackson, 2007 1st round pick, Wally Szczerbiak

August 20, 1999: Milwaukee Bucks acquire Danny Manning and Dale Ellis from the Orlando Magic for Chris Gatling and Armon Gilliam

This was actually not that fun of a deal. Manning played off the bench for the Bucks and ended up getting waived after the season, as the Bucks came up just short on a 1-8 matchup against the NBA finals bound Pacers. Dale Ellis only played 18 games for Milwaukee before he was turned aound for second round Hornets picks in 2000 and 2002, which netted average backup point Jason Hart and Chris Owens, who played 6 minutes for the Grizzlies once. Gilliam was waived by the Magic and later had the misfortune of thinking his first name is "armen", putting him in company with that scoundrel Keteyian.


February 2, 2000: Denver Nuggets trade Ron Mercer, Johnny Taylor and Chauncey Billups to Orlando Magic for Chris Gatling and Tariq Abdul-Wahad

Despite looking like it would bring more players for the Sons of Gatling, this trade fails asides from one player. Ron Mercer signed as a free agent with the Bulls after they couldn't give their money to Grant Hill, Tracy McGrady, or Gallagher. Johnny Taylor's career was effectively over before it began, although he gets bonus points for getting Tennessee-Chattanooga to a sweet sixteen. Chauncey Billups also walked after the season, signing on to backup Terrell Brandon with the Timberwolves before he really blossomed into a player.

Tariq Abdul-Wahad, asides from sounding like something you'd say during an orgasm, has had a fun career being a contract deadweight after being signed to a ridiculous seven year deal by Dan Issel. He was sent to Dallas along with Raef LaFrentz, Avery Johnson, and Nick Van Exel for Juwan Howard, Donnell Harvey, Tim Hardaway (again!), and the draft rights to Frank Williams, who was dealt along with Antonio McDyess for Marcus Camby, the rights to overpay Nene 4 years in the future, and Mark Jackson. Abdul-Wahad has played in a grand total of 18 games for the Mavericks, and his contract just finally came off the books this year, after he was bought out.

SONS OF GATLING: Nene, Marcus Camby, Chauncey Billups. Juwan Howard, Raef LaFrentz

August 31, 2000: Portland Trail Blazers, Cleveland Cavaliers and Miami Heat complete five-player trade; Trail Blazers deal Brian Grant to Heat and get Shawn Kemp from Cavaliers; Heat sends Chris Gatling, Clarence Weatherspoon to Cavaliers, who also get Gary Grant from Trail Blazers

Brian Grant spent four years having his dreads poke people in the eyes in Miami before he was dealt along with Caron Butler and Lamar Odom for Shaquille O'Neal. I'd say that was a pretty unfair trade. Shawn Kemp's career has mostly been questions, and thanks to his website, you can take a break to go ask him some. Don't worry, I'll be here when you get back.

Alright? Alright. Anyway, he didn't bring anyone new to the table. Spoon played a full season for the Cavs as well before he walked. Gary Grant never played for the Cavaliers, which shouldn't ocme as a shock considering he only played nine games for the Trailblazers in his last three seasons there.

SONS OF GATLING: Shaquille O'Neal, Caron Butler, Lamar Odom

As a reward for making this long strange journey with me, I'd like to present my

C: Shaq - Obvious choice.
PF: Lamar Odom - Camby would probably split time here depending on what kind of matchup problems he could cause.
SF: Wally Szczerbiak - Butler is probably a better player, but I need some shooting on the floor in case Shaq gets bogged down.
SG: Chauncey Billups
PG: Jason Kidd - These guys would basically rotate with Terry/Marbury/Cassell based on the game situation. In some cases, I'm sure we'd even go Suns-esque with only Camby and Odom and three of them.
Jeff Foster

I know what you're thinking: Chris Gatling can't even make his own team? Well, sorry, but they already traded him to the Rockies :(.

Also, I don't see why these guys reported him for the missing child support. It's only about $1,000 a player.

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