tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-349768122024-03-25T02:10:16.084-04:00Future ConsiderationsWTITYFCJonnyrayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08455926956180907668noreply@blogger.comBlogger281125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34976812.post-72882949632196670882007-10-27T15:35:00.000-04:002008-12-11T17:42:55.075-05:00shits done<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_uCICutdqINU/RyvsLC5_nTI/AAAAAAAAAJs/7YfaD56l9yM/s1600-h/JohnnyCross.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_uCICutdqINU/RyvsLC5_nTI/AAAAAAAAAJs/7YfaD56l9yM/s400/JohnnyCross.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5128452275194273074" /></a><br /><br />you're investigating ruins. <br /><br />when/if i make a new blog, it'll be linked here.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com53tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34976812.post-70046240530735974412007-09-02T15:23:00.001-04:002008-12-11T17:42:55.255-05:00The most random gathering of sports jerseys on the internet<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_uCICutdqINU/RtsOqFPV5OI/AAAAAAAAAJk/M1_3spPflWY/s1600-h/hwl.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_uCICutdqINU/RtsOqFPV5OI/AAAAAAAAAJk/M1_3spPflWY/s320/hwl.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5105690718678410466" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://www.lids.com/style/7090">http://www.lids.com/style/7090</a><br /><br />I know it's a hat store first, but this page just brought me intense joy. If you're like me (or Brandon), you know that sometimes when you go to games, you find people with really strange jerseys. Like for instance, Yadier Molina.<br /><br />We've found their source.<br /><br />I don't think I've ever seen a place that goes out on a limb to advertise two different Ryan Langerhans jerseys before, but if you're into that kinda thing, Lids has you covered.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34976812.post-63837852747940021502007-08-25T00:51:00.001-04:002008-12-11T17:42:55.492-05:00Chasing History<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_uCICutdqINU/Rs-3bFPV5NI/AAAAAAAAAJc/OrpZFcgFJA0/s1600-h/capt.fc94e4b321eb4d6783b66cb05dc5df36.nationals_astros_baseball_hta102.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_uCICutdqINU/Rs-3bFPV5NI/AAAAAAAAAJc/OrpZFcgFJA0/s320/capt.fc94e4b321eb4d6783b66cb05dc5df36.nationals_astros_baseball_hta102.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5102498578724938962" /></a><br /><br />Barry Bonds. The name alone conjures so many different feelings in different peoples minds. And this post has nothing to do with him. <br /><br />No, despite the fact that we've had a 300 game winner (Tom Glavine), 3 probable Hall Of Famers (Bonds, Frank Thomas, and ARod) hit homer milestones, and 1 more reach 3000 hits (Craig Biggio), this post is about something completely different.<br /><br />(So it's Biggio's historic pursuit of getting hit a bunch of times? Nope, I'll leave that to <a href="http://plunkbiggio.blogspot.com/">Plunk Biggio</a>)<br /><br />Nope, we're here to talk today about the heroic pursuit of Jim Rice's GIDP records by Nationals 3B Ryan Zimmerman. Zimmerman, who has grounded into 24 double plays so far this year, is 11 shy of reaching the rarefied air that only Rice has reached: 35 double plays in a season.<br /><br />You'd think that with the proliferation of runners in the last 15 years, we'd have more players challenging this record, but there have been only 3 players to reach 30 GIDP's in that time span: Ben Grieve, Brad Ausmus, and surprisingly enough, Ivan Rodriguez in his MVP season. <br /><br />With only a month left to play, it's unlikely that Zimmerman will play enough to catch Jim Rice; he'd need a historically bad month. But, he could very easily join that 30 GIDP club, which is quite a feat in it's own right. I encourage Nationals fans to root for this to happen; you might as well get some mileage out of your lousy season. Manny Acta probably deserves manager of the year for keeping you from losing 100 games, but if you had lost 100 games, you'd at least be a uniquely crappy club from the rest of the crappy NL clubs.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com21tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34976812.post-43948775322256172252007-08-20T17:26:00.000-04:002007-08-21T00:30:04.677-04:00The life of obscurityIf you're reading this blog, then you are likely knowledgeable enough about baseball to know who Mike Venafro is. If not, here's the scoop: Venafro's a journeyman submarine-thrower who is now pitching in AAA. Basically, one of the many insignificant stories of the major leagues: good, but not good enough.<br /><br />Myspace.com is somewhere to go to take pictures of yourself, maybe hit on some women, or, in the case of my former self, make joke accounts. Specifically, <a href="http://www.myspace.com/mikevenafro">a joke account about Mike Venafro.</a> I never had a vendetta against the guy, I just thought making an account would be a funny thing to do with the loads of spare time I had in 2005. Just a joke that myself and the sports nerds that I know (most of the other bloggers on this site, specifically) could laugh about.<br /><br />I didn't check the thing for about a year, and all was normal in Venaspace until this message was sent to me on Sunday night. I was notified by e-mail about it.<br /><br /><b>From: <a href="www.myspace.com/184740568">Lisa</a><br /><br />Date: Aug 19, 2007 6:55 PM<br /><br />Subject: you are a imposter [<i>sic</i>] and a loser<br />Body: you are a loser 1st and for most [<i>sic</i>]. mike has a family and is just trying to make a living.he is contacting his agent,who is a a lawyer, to see how he can remove your imposter [<i>sic</i>] page and furthermore take you to court for the damages. hope you have a great day. by the way, can you play baseball?</b><br /><br />Now, a few notes about this:<br /><br />1) I'm a loser now, 1st and for most. Glad we got that out of the way.<br /><br />2) I created this account in November, 2005. If Mike Venafro is only finding out about this now, how much "damage" could I have caused him? If anything, I should be thanked for being one of the few people who know who he is.<br /><br />3) Who is Lisa? Her page, and her message, tell me nothing about her, other than that she's 29 and likes to use beer bottles to make promiscuous poses.<br /><br />4) How did Mike find this page anyway? Was he googling himself to see if any papers wrote about the Cardinals giving him a minor league contract?<br /><br />(Note: I wanted to see if any full stories were printed regarding this signing. I even searched Deadspin, Cardinal haven, to see if he even got a blurb from Will Leitch. Nope. The only thing I found there was a link to <a href="http://www.baseballmusings.com/archives/013405.php">this Baseball Musings post from spring training, 2006.</a> Sorry about the back, Mike.)<br /><br />5) Lisa wants to know if I can play baseball. Is she the captain of a rec league softball team? Can I get in on that?<br /><br />This whole situation amazes me. Suing a college student whose yearly income is under $3000 is a bit much, I'd say.<br /><br />So, maybe the mysterious Lisa is bluffing. Maybe not. Maybe Mike Venafro's gonna come after me with a Triple-A vengeance. Updates on this exciting event in my life will come as/if it develops.<br /><br /><i>UPDATED: Mike Venafro had Tom delete the account. My life, as I know it, is over.</i>Danhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05802876436722934364noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34976812.post-62392556197405197022007-08-13T04:28:00.000-04:002008-12-11T17:42:55.734-05:00The case of the dissapearing "dominant teams"<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_uCICutdqINU/RsAWn8IIzFI/AAAAAAAAAJU/WVsJIHXFYpg/s1600-h/59756144_8c5777e40f_o.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_uCICutdqINU/RsAWn8IIzFI/AAAAAAAAAJU/WVsJIHXFYpg/s320/59756144_8c5777e40f_o.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5098099653594369106" /></a><br /><br />Just something I've noticed while going through the records here on a hazy Monday morning...does it strike anyone else as odd that for the second straight year, a grand total of 0 teams can be projected out to win 100 games? As of right now, the Red Sox are closest, with a 70-47 record, which if you project out to their current .598 winning percentage, gives them 97 wins. <br /><br />Last year, the Mets and Yankees tied for the best record, also both with 97 wins. In 2005, the Cardinals won 100 games on the dot in what has been historically over the last 7-odd years the weakest division in baseball, and the White Sox won 99. You have to go all the way back to 2004 to find a team that truly dominated their league, when the Cardinals won 105 games, and a hell of a lot of good it did them against the Red Sox.<br /><br />Has baseball really changed that much just in the last few years? Technology expands, scouting is easier to integrate with all this new communication software, sure. I think it's fair to say that the playing field has been slightly evened, to where if you try hard as a small market, you won't embarrass yourself. I also think it's fair to say that teams have more money to spend and attract free agents with than ever before. Is this what's pushing us towards these 97 win "good but not great" best records? Or is it a more random fluctuation? <br /><br />Historically, the last time before last year (and looking like this year) that we had 0 100 win teams in either league was 2000, when only one team won even 95 games (the White Sox, a lot of good it did them), it happened again in 96, when the Indians could only manage 99 wins. However, once is a blip, twice may be a trend. Are we really moving into an era where nobody in either league can even win 100 games? <br /><br />I think this is primarily a credit to the small market teams. Whether or not you think Gil Meche was a smart signing, he definitely increased the Royals chances to not finish with 100 losses. Even the perennially clueless Pirates have lost 100 games just once in this decade, and the last team to lose 100 games in the NL was the ridiculously horrible 2004 Diamondbacks (aka Luis Gonzalez, Randy Johnson, Brandon Webb, and 22 guys from your local Chuck-E-Cheese who looked pretty good at Skiball). Meanwhile, the AL had for a long time been able to count on beating up on the Royals and the Devil Rays and the Tigers in 2003, but for the most part these teams are making strides both in free talent and in rich talent, and these have finally paid off to where only the Devil Rays have a real chance at 100 losses, and that's mainly due to the fact that their bullpen has resembled Mel Rojas in his prime. <br /><br />So, blame Gil Meche for the fact that there are no dominant teams. He was supposed to sign with someone good.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34976812.post-30366416163126903812007-08-10T07:37:00.000-04:002008-12-11T17:42:55.896-05:00I'm back, and so is Penny Hardaway<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_uCICutdqINU/RrxOzcIIzEI/AAAAAAAAAJM/GO8V08imhJs/s1600-h/30penny.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_uCICutdqINU/RrxOzcIIzEI/AAAAAAAAAJM/GO8V08imhJs/s320/30penny.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5097035523907177538" /></a><br /><br />I didn't learn much whilst taking intensive Spanish for 10 weeks. Oh sure, I know how to properly conjugate nouns and the like, but it didn't really help me speak the language any better. Especially when it was all crammed in so fast that I didn't even have time to learn the vocabulary, I speak Spanish like Joe Morgan analyzes baseball games. I say the same few things over and over again and hope nobody notices. Except I don't get paid. Minor quibble, really.<br /><br />There isn't really any way to segue this into Penny Hardaway. I'm just exhausted and am sick of seeing the hiatus post. Penny Hardaway was my favorite player as a kid, and when Shaq left him and Orlando crumbled it was quite tragic. Now he's catching on....with Shaq. Again.<br /><br />I'll always remember <a href="http://www.basketball-reference.com/boxscores/ORL19951114.html">this game</a> against the Bulls they had on TNT, the year when Shaq got sent to the injured list by Matt Geiger, and Penny single-handedly shredded the Bulls. As someone who grew up in Houston, and had all the accomplishments of my favorite basketball team overshadowed by a bunch of pompous jackasses who insisted Michael Jordan would have beaten the 93-94 and 94-95 Rockets, I was pretty much as anti-Bulls and anti-Jordan as any person reasonably can be. You recognize his greatness, but you still fucking hate him and that fucking arrogant tongue and smirk.<br /><br />And that was still the best performance I can remember anyone having against the Bulls in that timeframe. I'm sure theres probably been others, but I'm not sure any other performances involved a team who's second best offensive player was Nick Anderson. Penny dominated that game and had me and anyone else watching convinced that he was the next great player. Now he's not even in the top two most famous people to star in his own commercial.<br /><br />And now after all these years, he's re-uniting with Shaq. I've always wondered what would have happened had the two of them stuck together. Penny's knees eventually were a problem, but would that deterioration have gone slower if he had never had to take on the pure scoring role that he was asked to? <br /><br />So I guess that leads to an inevitable conclusion. Shaquille O'Neal murdered Penny's career, and now he is full of guilt and used his influence with the Heat to try to feel better about himself. Way to go, Shaq.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34976812.post-47667525257928872842007-07-02T15:45:00.000-04:002007-07-02T15:47:04.362-04:00FC on hiatusIn case you hadn't noticed.<br /><br />I've wound up with too much on my plate (The Daily Cougar and this amazingly time-intensive summer school course) to write more than one-two things a week, and I'm frustrated with the lack of effort by other members. This was supposed to be a community blog, not a "Chris does all the entries" blog.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34976812.post-77254103062244138682007-06-12T16:29:00.000-04:002008-12-11T17:42:57.073-05:00A steam of consciousness from a Baseball in the hands of Scott Schoeneweis<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_uCICutdqINU/Rm8LkbORfcI/AAAAAAAAAIk/4qqCYaLL6eQ/s1600-h/Rawlings_baseball.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_uCICutdqINU/Rm8LkbORfcI/AAAAAAAAAIk/4qqCYaLL6eQ/s320/Rawlings_baseball.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5075288025480658370" /></a><br /><br />Shit. Oh God please don't let him pick me up.<br /><br /><i>Please please please please please.</i><br /><br />Fuck he's coming this way.<br /><br /><b>Fuck.</b><br /><br />Look, I just want you assholes to get off the field as fast as possible so I can go absorb some more air molecules in the company of my brethren. <i>Is that too much to ask?</i><br /><br />I know some of my brothers just don't want to get hit, and I would be very happy if I were one of them, seeing as how you throw strikes less often than people fall for Nigerian prince e-mails. I just don't wanna be hit hard okay? You're a lefty, you're supposed to be better than this. Your WHIP is approaching the Mendoza Line. I know I'm supposed to have pity on you because you had cancer, but you're making enough money to buy the plant that I was made at. How about throwing a pitch down the plate?<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_uCICutdqINU/Rm8MBbORfdI/AAAAAAAAAIs/U6Fw_ae49AQ/s1600-h/ph_150011.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_uCICutdqINU/Rm8MBbORfdI/AAAAAAAAAIs/U6Fw_ae49AQ/s320/ph_150011.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5075288523696864722" /></a><br /><br /><b>Umpire: BALL ONE!</b><br /><br />Oh, or you could just do that. You <i>pussy</i>. Do you see that Lo Duca is just sitting over the plate now? That he's given up on even trying to pick a spot for you? <br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_uCICutdqINU/Rm8MBbORfdI/AAAAAAAAAIs/U6Fw_ae49AQ/s1600-h/ph_150011.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_uCICutdqINU/Rm8MBbORfdI/AAAAAAAAAIs/U6Fw_ae49AQ/s320/ph_150011.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5075288523696864722" /></a><br /><br />**Ball flies over the head of Lo Duca, runners advance**<br /><br /><b>FUCK YOU!</b> <i>What the fuck man?</i> Do you have four legs? Are you like a Dolphin or something? I mean if you're gonna fuck up this bad, couldn't you just make this more entertaining? Try to pitch the ball off your butt or something? Out of your butt? Lob it up and then kick it at the plate?<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_uCICutdqINU/Rm8MBbORfdI/AAAAAAAAAIs/U6Fw_ae49AQ/s1600-h/ph_150011.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_uCICutdqINU/Rm8MBbORfdI/AAAAAAAAAIs/U6Fw_ae49AQ/s320/ph_150011.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5075288523696864722" /></a><br /><br />**Ball nearly hits the batter**<br /><br /><i>Muuuch fuckin better, slick</i>. Yeah, you better rub your fucking hand on the rosin bag you piece of shit. Todd Hundley could throw better than this. Post-surgery. Don't even bother trying to grip the seams or anything bro, I'm afraid you might unravel me in your hands before you get the ball out of your glove. <br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_uCICutdqINU/Rm8MBbORfdI/AAAAAAAAAIs/U6Fw_ae49AQ/s1600-h/ph_150011.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_uCICutdqINU/Rm8MBbORfdI/AAAAAAAAAIs/U6Fw_ae49AQ/s320/ph_150011.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5075288523696864722" /></a><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_uCICutdqINU/Rm8MP7ORfeI/AAAAAAAAAI0/IWMKmeZdHwo/s1600-h/fullj.getty-73395184jm023_chicago_cubs__9_32_05_pm.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_uCICutdqINU/Rm8MP7ORfeI/AAAAAAAAAI0/IWMKmeZdHwo/s320/fullj.getty-73395184jm023_chicago_cubs__9_32_05_pm.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5075288772804967906" /></a><br /><br /><b>Fuuuuuck</b>. <br /><br />**Scott Schoeneweis' game ERA is now 225**<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_uCICutdqINU/Rm8MZbORffI/AAAAAAAAAI8/3UsKBDjKG7M/s1600-h/show+demolisehd.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_uCICutdqINU/Rm8MZbORffI/AAAAAAAAAI8/3UsKBDjKG7M/s320/show+demolisehd.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5075288936013725170" /></a><br /><br />**contemplates job security**<br /><br />I'm scared. Too scared to even wet my pants.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_uCICutdqINU/Rm8MfrORfgI/AAAAAAAAAJE/wp2FP6BoS2A/s1600-h/wiggumrandolph.JPG"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_uCICutdqINU/Rm8MfrORfgI/AAAAAAAAAJE/wp2FP6BoS2A/s320/wiggumrandolph.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5075289043387907586" /></a><br /><br />Just relax and it'll come, son.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34976812.post-16448991041046629222007-06-07T20:07:00.000-04:002007-06-07T20:44:11.991-04:00A complete loss for words<span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;">Alright, so I've sort of missed the boat on the recent wave of traffic that's been hitting FC. Mad props to Chris and Jonny and everyone else for getting this place linked on Deadspin, among other plaudits. I've been keeping a low profile, however, for a few reasons. Mainly, once FC started actually getting traffic from time to time, I didn't feel like 5,000-word rants about the Pirates would be a positive thing for the site. And it helped that even I was tired of whining about how much God hates me for sticking me with the sports world's version of a fate worse than death.</span><br /><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;">But, y'know, today is supposed to be the day when it might actually be permissable for the morons who've been assfucked into supporting a dead-end, no-hope baseball franchise to feel some sort of optimism for the future.</span><br /><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;">But no. Not for me. Not ever.</span><br /><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;">Today, in the first four rounds, the Pirates used their allotted draft picks on the following players:</span><br /><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;"></span><br /><ul><li><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;">A college reliever. And not just any college reliever, but the BEST ONE IN THE DRAFT CLASS!!! Oh wait, that's fucking useless when it's been proven time and time again that an effective bullpen is far and away the easiest thing to assemble. The vast majority of relievers today were starters in the minor leagues who weren't good enough to start and got converted to the bullpen. You wouldn't know this from watching this train wreck of a front office, though.</span></li><li><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;">A college starter who is projected to be a #4 or 5 in the majors...IF he can develop a changeup or improve a mediocre curveball. Oh yeah, he's already had labrum issues in the past. I'm assuming by this point Dave Littlefield has Dr. Andrews on speed dial.</span></li><li><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;">A college shortstop who hits line drives and is a project defensively. Apparently, the fact that the Pirates have approximately two players at the Major League level who are capable of hitting home runs on a remotely consistent basis. Granted, I was wrong about Brian Bixler, whose profile reads almost word-for-word the same as this guy, but come on. We don't need another Brian Bixler because we have one already.</span></li><li><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;">A high school center fielder who from what I can gather is already being billed as a massive overdraft. He wasn't in any top-200 lists, and there were still several consensus top 100s available. He's fast, though. Of course! He's a <em>CREECHLING.</em></span></li></ul><p><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;">So there it is. I mean, you know it has to be bad when I'm spurred to write for FC. I'm standing on the precipice, slowly being pushed towards the edge. But no matter how badly I want to just turn my back and walk away, I can't make myself do it. Maybe someone out there has some idea of how I can quit, but for now, and for the forseeable future, I'm stuck wondering what kinds of horrific things I did in my previous life to deserve this.</span></p>Willhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12618835309383756356noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34976812.post-10617319536846097472007-06-07T05:44:00.000-04:002008-12-11T17:42:57.556-05:00This Is As Close As Barry Bonds Will Ever Get To Holding The World Series Trophy In Glorious Triumph<a href="http://futureconsiderations.blogspot.com/2007/05/desperate-plea-from-those-of-us-with.html">I've mentioned before how I work in a baseball card shop,</a> and today my employment in a card shop has given me inspiration to post yet again. I present to you,<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgbhhxffQwFkkAmgV3XXN_SBgj3jM3n90AaAUOg1Jw-bUL8Z1pVtq8TGoNkjr4seJtAUuM8SozFpJ9x9Wm7AsPAevqpdNLXRQYuFB4myEtykxIP-5dio1LCGfFHfqP76zWhwvfsg/s1600-h/DSCF0150.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgbhhxffQwFkkAmgV3XXN_SBgj3jM3n90AaAUOg1Jw-bUL8Z1pVtq8TGoNkjr4seJtAUuM8SozFpJ9x9Wm7AsPAevqpdNLXRQYuFB4myEtykxIP-5dio1LCGfFHfqP76zWhwvfsg/s400/DSCF0150.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5073258485725801298" /></a><br /><br /><br />Barry Bonds, World Series MVP, World Series Champion.<br /><br />We were looking through old stacks of mail in my boss' office and happened upon this. Suffice it to say, the Garret Anderson version probably resulted in more orders. To be honest, though, I'm not sure exactly what they're trying to sell. Is it a bobblehead? Is it a doll of some sort? Who knows. Whatever it is, it delighted me to see images of Barry Bonds in a World Series Champion cap and t-shirt. <br /><br />However, it also painfully reminded me of the 2002 World Series, the most decisive lose-lose series I've ever watched in any sport in my life. At least it was good baseball, I guess. <br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjGiKyL0tWDSPlg-xvVxUuWZNptLuXQmcrBULNujE1-Mil53FnSgnp-fd-oLGSYSWzVRmpUBaizCTy8Kyidzf1PpvTbGcCidvISYVqgsxqN4enyq3TpQfvuNVyEnek8HeLHG9qjqg/s1600-h/DSCF0151.JPG"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjGiKyL0tWDSPlg-xvVxUuWZNptLuXQmcrBULNujE1-Mil53FnSgnp-fd-oLGSYSWzVRmpUBaizCTy8Kyidzf1PpvTbGcCidvISYVqgsxqN4enyq3TpQfvuNVyEnek8HeLHG9qjqg/s320/DSCF0151.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5073259336129325922" /></a> Still, now is not the time to lament that ill-conceived series. Now is the time to laugh at Barry Bonds and companies that produce their championship memorabilia (or, at least, their championship memorabilia advertisements) in advance. Laugh away, readers. Laugh away.Jonnyrayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08455926956180907668noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34976812.post-54286122074341286712007-06-05T21:24:00.000-04:002007-06-05T21:25:38.156-04:00Man, my district sucks at sportsUpon better-knowing-my-very-own-Congressional-district last night on the Colbert Report, I've realized that my district is home to some very bad sports history.<br /><br />But hey, Ronnie Woo Woo lives here.<br /><br /><embed flashvars="config=http://www.comedycentral.com/motherload/xml/data_synd.jhtml?vid=88002%26myspace=false" src="http://www.comedycentral.com/motherload/syndicated_player/index.jhtml" quality="high" bgcolor="#006699" width="340" height="325" name="comedy_player" align="middle" allowscriptaccess="always" allownetworking="external" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"></embed><br /></lj-embed>Brandonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04778954425385158910noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34976812.post-14786525257923331992007-06-05T03:09:00.000-04:002007-06-05T03:13:25.079-04:00Sacred Cow Ausmus finally led to graze on bench<a href="http://media.www.thedailycougar.com/media/storage/paper1206/news/2007/06/05/Sports/Astros.Finally.Choose.Right.Path-2911677.shtml">(the heavily edited DC version)</a><br /><br />With the Astros struggling offense dragging the team to a 12-17 May record, manager Phil Garner and GM Tim Purpura finally came to a long overdue conclusion: Brad Ausmus is not an everyday catcher.<br /><br />Ausmus has long been a Houston favorite, giving terrific quotes to all the beat writers and being a leader in the clubhouse and in the community. The club has been very successful since he rejoined in 2001, peaking in 2005 with a World Series appearance. Because of the high esteem that he’s been held in, Ausmus has become somewhat of a sacred cow on the Houston sports scene. Nobody wants to write ill of someone who by all accounts seems like a good guy and gives great quotes. However, despite the hustle and intangibles he is known for, Ausmus’ on-field play has been holding back the Astros offense for years. <br /><br />In his last seven years with the Astros, Ausmus has never hit above .260, never hit ten homers, and never driven in more than fifty runs. Moving beyond the triple crown stats shows an even more telling picture; Ausmus’ .314 on-base percentage in his second tenure in Houston has been keeping runs off the board that the Astros could have used in close playoff races. Taking out the intentional walks that he is given in front of the pitcher lowers this to .304, and he has grounded into over a hundred double plays throughout the same period of time, killing many rallies.<br /><br />Fifty-six games into the season, the Astros have scored only two hundred twenty-seven times, ahead of only the Nationals and Cardinals among the NL’s sixteen teams. Ausmus is hardly the teams only offensive problem; Lance Berkman is off to a slow start, Craig Biggio’s quest for 3,000 hits has been sputtering along slowly, and Adam Everett has never been able to hit. However, Berkman will bounce back, Everett has his sterling defense to fall back on, and Biggio will probably lose playing time to Mark Loretta as soon as he reaches his milestone. Ausmus has three Gold Gloves, the most recent of which came last year, and also carries a reputation for working well with young pitchers. <br /><br />Unfortunately, the gold gloves are more an indication of reputation than actual skill. His 2006 Gold Glove was laughable, as he only threw out twenty-two percent of runners attempting to steal. By comparison, the American League Gold Glove catcher last year, Ivan Rodriguez, threw out fifty-one percent of attempted basestealers. As for his reputation with young pitchers, the Astros haven’t broken in a rookie starter with an ERA under 4 since Tim Redding in 2003, and Redding hasn’t been in the majors since 2005. <br /><br />So today’s ultimate solution for the Astros with Ausmus is to let him split time with failed ex-Tigers prospect Eric Munson, a career .212 hitter. Munson has demonstrated that he can hit well at Triple A, but this has never translated to the majors. While this probably isn’t a permanent solution, recognizing the problem is the first step. For far too long, the Astros have been content with Brad Ausmus sucking up outs at the bottom of their order. <br /><br />Actual solutions will be harder to find. Cubs catcher Michael Barrett could be available, especially in the wake of last Friday’s fight with star starter Carlos Zambrano. The problem is that the Astros have very little to offer; their farm system is downright barren now that Hunter Pence has graduated to the majors. What the Astros need to do is something that Tim Purpura has never demonstrated an ability to do: get creative. Trading a career backup who has shown an ability to hit but never gotten an extended opportunity would make a lot of sense for the Astros. A few players who could fit this bill include Mike Redmond of the Twins, Javier Valentin of the Reds, and Kelly Shoppach of the Indians. <br /><br />The Astros main trade chip will probably be Brad Lidge, who has quietly lowered his ERA to 2.70 after being removed from the closers role early in the season. Given the Reds penchant for trading for relievers, it’s not impossible to envision a trade between these two teams involving Lidge. Perhaps a deal of Lidge for recently demoted but promising third baseman Edwin Encarnacion and Valentin would work out for both teams. Especially since the Astros seem to hold Morgan Ensberg in a much lower regard than most teams around baseball.<br /><br />Either way, the first step to solving the problem is admitting you have a problem. Brad Ausmus has clearly been a problem for the Astros for years, and it’s nice that they’ve finally realized it. Getting a quality catcher isn’t easy, but if the Astros just get a little creative, they can turn a weakness into a strength.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34976812.post-87574534407719762132007-06-04T19:13:00.000-04:002007-06-05T11:55:37.227-04:00Possibly, a more likely root of Gary Sheffield's beefA bit has been made of Gary Sheffield making comments regarding the reason why there are fewer African Americans in Major League Baseball today than in the past. <a href="http://deadspin.com/sports/baseball/gary-sheffield-unlike-you-latin-pushovers-will-not-be-controlled-265492.php">Sheffield attributed the decrease in African Americans to an increase in players from Latin America</a>, and the ability of the powers that be to more easily "control" the Latin American players of African descent, whereas he implies that the powers that be <i>need</i> to "respect" him, and "These are the things [Sheffield's] race demands."<br /><br />However, I think Gary Sheffield may have missed the mark. I don't think that the drop in African American baseball players has been due to what Sheffield believes to be differences in response to "authority," but rather, the drop could be due to a general, widespread neglect of baseball programs in predominantly African American high schools. <br /><br />It is also easy to point to the large number of players coming out of the Caribbean, as Sheffield does, but this trend has been going on for a long time. Even in 1985 <a href="http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,959701,00.html">Time magazine was reporting</a> about the influx of talent in the Dominican Republic, even taking the time to quote a 24 year old [!!!!!] Julio Franco. <br /><br />To look at the lack of attention paid to baseball programs at predominantly African American schools, I looked at the connection between not only record, but games played compared to percentage of the student body that is African American.<br /><br /><a href="http://research.cps.k12.il.us/export/sites/default/accountweb/Reports/RacialSurvey/FY07_Racial_Ethnic_Survey.pdf">Chicago Public Schools "racial ethnic survey" for 2007 (pdf)</a><br /><br /><a href="http://chicagosports.chicagotribune.com/sports/highschool/baseball/cs-2007prepbaseballstandings,1,4732764.htmlstory">Chicagosports.com baseball standings</a><br /><br />These are the two main websites used for this comparison. The Chicago Public Schools results are listed on the Chicagosports.com page from the Jackie Robinson Division to the Luis Aparicio Division (and somehow Ozzie Guillen got a division, too). <br /><br />In particular, I looked at the results in the Double Duty Radcliffe Division and Luis Aparicio Division, and compared them to the racial makeup of the Jackie Robinson Division [School (total record, division record) % African American]<br /><br />APARICIO DIVISION<br />Dunbar (10-4, 8-0) 98.3%<br />Englewood (4-4, 4-3) 98.2%<br />Bronzeville (3-5, 3-3) 96.2%<br />Bowen (2-4, 2-3) [not listed]<br />Gage Park (1-10, 1-5) 41.7%<br />Noble Street Charter (0-5, 0-2) 10.7%<br />Harper (0-6, 0-3) 99.1%<br /><br />RADCLIFFE DIVISION<br />Farragut (10-2, 10-1) 21.4%<br />Manley (9-10, 9-1) 99.9%<br />Orr (5-2, 5-1) 90.0%<br />Clark (0-3, 0-3) 98.1%<br />Senn (0-4, 0-4) 40.1%<br />Austin (0-6, 0-6) 98.8%<br />Raby (0-8, 0-7) 99.3% <br /><br />JACKIE ROBINSON DIVISION<br />Lane Tech (21-9, 11-0) 12.6%<br />Clemente (18-14, 10-2) 31.8%<br />Young (22-9, 9-3) 31.7%<br />Harlan (23-10, 8-4) 98.9%<br />Lake View (22-11, 8-4) 14.1%<br />Mather (14-14, 8-4) 13.2%<br />Simeon (23-10, 7-4) 99.6%<br />Von Steuben (10-16, 5-7) 31.2%<br />Kenwood (8-13, 4-8) 93.1%<br />Northside College Prep (8-15, 4-8) 6.4% <br />Schurz (11-18, 1-11) 5.4%<br />Hyde Park (7-17, 1-11) 99.3%<br />Foreman (5-18, 1-11) 16.9%<br /><br />The Chicago Public Schools, as a whole, are predominantly African American and Latino American. For this survey, the total results for Chicago Public Schools list African Americans as 47.9% of the total student body, and "Hispanics" as 38.3%. <br /><br />It could be assumed that the Jackie Robinson Division is the place where the best teams in the Public League are placed. The division produced both teams who played in the city championship [the Whitney Young Dolphins who went on to defeat my very own Lane Tech Indians 1-0], and at 13 teams, they have six more than any of the other divisions in the Public League (all other divisions have seven teams). Of those 13 teams, 4 have an African American enrollment of above 90%; while of the 14 teams in the Radcliffe and Aparicio divisions only four have African American enrollments <i>below</i> 90%. It seems as though there is at least a little bit of a correlation between African American enrollment and baseball team support, if it is assumed that there is more emphasis placed on the baseball programs in the Robinson Division than in the Radcliffe and Aparicio Divisions. <br /><br />Looking at the results in this fashion can be problematic in several ways:<br /><br />- This looks solely at the racial makeup of Chicago Public Schools compared to those school's baseball programs, and does not take into consideration baseball programs in other cities.<br />- The Chicago Public Schools sports website does not have a standings or results page. It does have a schedule page, but there are no results to be found on that page. Searching the IHSA website only yields results for the state playoffs. <br />- There are no given reasons for the games played differential in some divisions (for example, in the Double Duty Ratcliffe Division, the difference between Clark HS which only played 3 games, and Farragut, which played 11 games). Possibilities could be rainouts, forfeits, or that the game results might not have been reported to Chicagosports.com. (I realize that for some divisions, the division does not have "FINAL" next to its name, but still, if the games simply have not been reported, that's still problematic)<br />- In addition to simply the decline in African American born players, a decline across the board could also be attributed to an increase in scouting in Asian countries over the past 15-20 years.<br /><br />-------<br /><br />So now the question needs to be asked, and I'm sure Gary Sheffield asks this too, how can we alleviate this situation? How can we increase interest in playing baseball in predominantly African American schools?<br /><br />First of all, there has to be a stop put to the oppression-through-neglect tactics that might be going on in these schools. In situations where interest is too low to form a full team, maybe the team could be merged with a team from a nearby school (or two) with similarly low interest in baseball. Low interest in-and-of-itself can not be a reason to disband a team. <br /><br />After that, there would have to be an way to build interest in the sport. The Chicago Cubs have two African American Hall of Famers who would be great ambassadors for the sport in the areas where interest is low. Billy Williams and Ernie Banks could be voices within the community who could help build the next generation of great African American baseball players. Current players, such as Gary Sheffield himself or current Cubs superstar Derrek Lee, could be at the forefront of helping to stir new interest in baseball. <br /><br />The possible roots of the shrinking number of African Americans in Major League Baseball transcends simply baseball. This isn't just a baseball issue, it's an issue of equity. There really is no reason for a baseball team to play only three games in a season, when a standard season consists of what appears to be at least 10-12 conference games. Even in the event that the games simply were not reported to the news source, it perpetuates the idea that games played by those schools are unimportant, and it destroys any ground upon which a stronger baseball program could have been built. So yes, sports equity should be an issue here, and the sooner this form of oppression is dealt with, the sooner that percentage of African Americans, and even American minorities across the board, in the Major Leagues goes back up.<br /><br />Who knows, I might be a little off the mark here. It could be that the interest in baseball at certain schools has always been low. There could be more to the scouting of Asian American markets than I've taken into account here. It could be that Major League teams don't scout any city public schools unless there's a sure-fire major leaguer involved (Victor Diaz attended Roberto Clemente High School of the Jackie Robinson Division). However, I think that the percentage of African Americans in the Major Leagues could increase if participation in the sport is encouraged at the high school, or even pee-wee level (no, I didn't see <i>Hardball</i>, and as long as Keanu Reeves is still the lead character, I don't suspect that I'd even stay awake past the first 45 minutes) in certain areas. Granted, even if such changes took place today, the affects wouldn't be seen for the next 20-30 years, and by that time who knows what could happen to the demographics in Major League Baseball.<br /><br />...but it would still be worth it, for a host of other reasons.Brandonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04778954425385158910noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34976812.post-76921963345776818222007-06-04T05:47:00.000-04:002007-06-04T06:16:29.705-04:00Just a youtube today...Got other writing commitments again. Borat's classic guide to baseball.<br /><br /><object width="425" height="350"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/Z5jkopLKog8"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/Z5jkopLKog8" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="350"></embed></object>Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34976812.post-13440063906050535322007-06-01T07:14:00.000-04:002007-06-01T09:15:09.793-04:00One Mans Opinion: The Top 256 Dugouts of all-timeI am not going to get super sappy about this, so I'll just explain this in the simplest way I know how. One day, somewhere around late May 2005, I found <a href="http://dugout.progressiveboink.com/">The Dugout</a>, when it was linked in some Baseball Think Factory thread. It was hilarious, I laughed all day at it. I shared with friends who laughed all day at it. We scoured the archives. <br /><br />It's been a staple of my internet reading for almost two years now. I've even made a few <a href="http://futureconsiderations.blogspot.com/2006/12/fc-preview-colts-texans.html">dumb</a> <a href="http://futureconsiderations.blogspot.com/2006/11/nfl-picks-week-11-mkii.html">NFL ones</a> on here. Mainly based on the premise that Owen Daniels is Jim Thome. Anyway, to celebrate this website for making me laugh a lot, I decided there should be a tribute. And what better tribute then...a top 25 list! <strike>Top 25 Simpsons Characters!</strike> Okay okay, Top 25 Dugouts.<br /><br />I've re-read these over about the past four nights, my initial cutdown list was about 60 or 70 long, and I've shaped these into a Top 25 I feel comfortable with. I tried to emphasize the past couple of years more than the present, because those guys have steadily been gaining in popularity and I think it'd be nice to showcase some of their older stuff. I also did not include the Special Events, just because I think it's unfair to the other Dugouts to judge them against such high standards.<br /><br /><b>Honorable Mention: <a href="http://dugout.progressiveboink.com/archive/dugout12-3-05.htm">Dangit Bobby</a> by B</b> <br /><br />A criminally underrated TV show, so I snuck this onto my list as the last pick over the equally deserving topics of <a href="halloween costumes http://dugout.progressiveboink.com/archive/b23.html">halloween costumes</a> and <a href="http://dugout.progressiveboink.com/archive/jon84.html">Peter Pan</a>. Theres nothing profound about this strip, it's a simple punchline, and it works. <br /><br /><b>#25: <a href="http://dugout.progressiveboink.com/archive/dugout4-8-06.htm">Secret Weapon</a> by B</b><br /><br />This also easily could've been one of Braden's <a href="http://dugout.progressiveboink.com/archive/dugout3-13-06.htm">other appearances</a>, but I settled on this one because I am a sucker for NES references. I think Braden Looper is the most underused character in Dugout history; all of his appearances that I can remember have been terrific. Unlike real life where he's <strike>terrible</strike> shit, he really has a 3.65 ERA? As a starter? <br /><br /><b>#24: <a href="http://dugout.progressiveboink.com/archive/dugout4-14-06.htm">Pete Rose And The Bottom 3</a> by B</b><br /><br />This is one of the better examples of B's pop-culture radar, which sometimes misses me completely and sometimes slays me. I am a big fan of the Pete Rose running gag, which reminds me of another compliment I could give to The Dugout: they seem to know just when to stop milking the running gags. They run this, the Young Brothers, the Jeter/ARod buttsex, Bonds and steroids, and Manny being Manny pretty well, and I never feel like any of those jokes are forced. Speaking of...<br /><br /><b>#23: <a href="http://dugout.progressiveboink.com/archive/nick73.htm">I Was Never Good At Goodbyes</a> by Nick</b><br /><br />While the Young brothers usually settle for robbing convenience stores these days, they weren't always unstoppable in The Dugout. This one brings us back to a happier day, when Jim Leyland was feared and Ugueth Urbina wasn't incarcerated. Also, it's always nice to have a voice of reason when The Dugout goes all zany on you.<br /><br /><b>#22: <a href="http://dugout.progressiveboink.com/archive/jon36.html">Keith Hernandez Fucking Knives: Part 1 of 175</a> by Jon</b><br /><br />When someone can write about loving cutlery so passionately, it grabs my attention. Heart-wrenching strip. Also, Mike Piazza's screenname is fabulous.<br /><br /><b>#21: <a href="http://dugout.progressiveboink.com/archive/dugout12-31-05.htm">Felipe Alou's Brain</a> by B</b><br /><br />One of my favorite things about The Dugout is how well they handle the real media in their strips, and this is just one example of it that I felt had to be included in the Top 25. Also, I'm probably going to hell for this but I love Wilford Brimley jokes to death and I hope he is still riding that fucking horse around and saying "diah-beatus" when I'm 80. <br /><br /><b>#20: <a href="http://dugout.progressiveboink.com/archive/jon4.htm">Brandon Pierzynski Wins the Football Game</a> by Jon</b><br /><br />Sorry to bring this up again, Angels fans, but Josh Paul's stream of consciousness here is incredibly funny, and the fact that Tim McCarver is involved just makes it even better. Random McCarver aside: Wasn't he funny in Baseketball? Wouldn't he be better if he announced that way all the time? <br /><br /><b>#19: <a href="http://dugout.progressiveboink.com/archive/b31.html">Trashbags You Guys</a> by B</b><br /><br />Another Dugout commentary I agree with: HOK Sports is designing the same ballpark over and over and over again. <br /><br /><b>#18: <a href="http://dugout.progressiveboink.com/archive/nick102.htm">A Friend In Jesus</a> by Nick</b><br /><br />Nick likes to write about the Red Sox and steroid cheaters ruining baseball. I hate hearing about both of these topics, so I'm usually at odds mentally with a lot of Nick Dugouts. I thought this was nice because we go beyond the "you suck" aspect of steroids and get into the actual motivations. Also cause it's fucking funny, but you knew that.<br /><br /><b>#17: <a href="http://dugout.progressiveboink.com/archive/jon57.html">Life With Hendry</a> by Jon</b><br /><br />One of the things I most enjoy about Jon's writing is his ability to make me think of things in perspectives I'd never thought of before. Like Jim Hendry being an 11-year-old girl with a livejournal and secreting mayonnaise from his pores. <br /><br /><b>#16: <a href="http://dugout.progressiveboink.com/archive/jon110.html">Spring Training 2007: Kansas City Royals</a> by Jon</b><br /><br />Okay, first of all the PECOTA segment has always been beautiful. Every strip he appears in becomes some kind of epic battle between good and evil. Actually, my favorite part of this strip is the irony of Octavio Dotel being douchebaggy that they traded Carlos Beltran for Mark Teahen. <br /><br /><b>#15: <a href="http://dugout.progressiveboink.com/archive/jon69.html">Jeffrey Loria is a Giant Charade</a> by Jon</b><br /><br />The Florida Marlins are frequently covered well in The Dugout, but this one stood out to me because the charade opener and the closing lines are both incredible enough to be strips of their own. <br /><br /><b>#14: <a href="http://dugout.progressiveboink.com/archive/archiveexclusive8.htm">Picks To Click</a></b><br /><br />Isn't hyperbole wonderful? This is the second-highest of the really "old time" Dugouts. I've always hated these two even though I only remember them once a year, when I channel surf and accidentally end up on some depressing White Sox-Blue Jays game only to hear these clowns perform on-air fellatio every time Scott Posednik manages to bunt it back to the pitcher. To go 2005 on this situation, couldn't we just have the Panthers cheerleaders announce if we wanted this? <br /><br /><b>#13: <a href="http://dugout.progressiveboink.com/archive/dugout3-31-06.htm">Spring Training: New York Yankees</a> by B</b><br /><br />Probably the best example of Kyle Farnsworth's work, and the most depth you can get from him that isn't in one of the events. Kyle slays everyone in this strip. <i>Everyone</i>. He even struck you down for reading it. Also I fucking hate Carlos Mencia, and his shit-tacular schtick is well-envisioned here.<br /><br /><b>#12: <a href="http://dugout.progressiveboink.com/archive/jon95.html">Mike Hampton Is The 7th Best Player In Baseball</a> by Jon</b><br /><br />WOULD YOU LIKE TO READ ANALYSIS?<br />10<br />9<br />8<br />7<br />6<br />5<br />4<br />3<br />2<br />1<br /><br />YOU HAVE SELECTED "NO".<br /><br /><b>#11: <a href="http://dugout.progressiveboink.com/archive/ax6-28-05-4.htm">A Rebuilding Year</a> by Jon</b><br /><br />The space pirate paradox is very real; which side really should have more power?<br /><br /><b>#10: <a href="http://dugout.progressiveboink.com/archive/jon3.htm">Will Sun Bet A Mitt?</a> by Jon</b><br /><br />I miss the wordplay gag, and this was clearly the best of them. The fact that it justifies Sun Woo-Kim's existence in my eyes (I always used to confuse him and Seung Song) qualifies this for the Top 10.<br /><br /><b>#9: <a href="http://dugout.progressiveboink.com/archive/jon55.html">Scientific Progress Goes Apeshit</a> by Jon</b><br /><br />Little known fact: This post is actually part of a long-running game of Calvinball I am playing with fellow FC contributor Brandon Lee. The score is 78Y to VVIIX9.<br /><br /><b>#8: <a href="http://dugout.progressiveboink.com/archive/jon79.html">Cory Lidle's New Home</a> by Jon</b><br /><br />Possibly the most well-known Dugout, with good reason. Scathing social commentary on newspaper hacks mixed with good old fashioned Jim Thome Love. <br /><br /><b>#7: <a href="http://dugout.progressiveboink.com/archive/dugout5-10-05.htm">The Temperature Of Citizen's Bank Park</a> by B</b><br /><br />If there were other huge Dugout historians, they'd probably haggle with this one. This piece has a lot of sentimental value to me because my uncle and aunt were raised by Pete Incaviglia in the wild. <br /><br /><b>#6: <a href="http://dugout.progressiveboink.com/archive/jon11.htm">NL Central 007</a> by Jon</b><br /><br />I grew up destroying my step-brothers at Goldeneye, so this strip brought back memories. No mention of Proximity Mines, sadly. Either way, you have to feel bad for poor Ned Yost and his Kolb's.<br /><br /><b>#5: <a href="http://dugout.progressiveboink.com/archive/jon67.html">The Worst Sports Bar Ever</a> by Jon</b><br /><br />Does this show my Jon bias yet? Is it weird that I think he's had so many of the Top 10? Why do I admire his writing so? Anyway, making fun of bad commercials is always encouraged. <br /><br />I mean, come on, between 7:39 AM and 7:45 AM, i rewrote this line seven times! Come on!<br /><br /><b>#4: <a href="http://dugout.progressiveboink.com/archive/jon41.html">PlayerEmpiricalComp.OptimizationTestAlgorithm</a> by Jon</b><br /><br />PECOTA's first appearance, which I think is a big enough event on it's own to put it in the Top 5. I feel he's the defining character of The Dugout right now. I've run out of synonyms for funny but trust me it is that as well.<br /><br /><b>#3: <a href="http://dugout.progressiveboink.com/archive/jon49.html">A Sad Day For The Grimsley Gang</a> by Jon</b><br /><br />This was actually a serious contender for #1, but I bumped it down because I thought the top 2 were a little more creative. Still, it's accurate, it tears down ESPN, and it's provided me with a fantasy league team name (The Grimsley Gang). <br /><br /><b>#2: <a href="http://dugout.progressiveboink.com/archive/322exclusive3.htm">Time To Pick A New Target</a> by B</b><br /><br />This post proves the lifelong adage that you always pick on the guy with the biggest glasses. Thats what you get, Sabo.<br /><br /><b>#1: <a href="http://dugout.progressiveboink.com/archive/jon62.html">Hometown Heroes</a> by Jon</b><br /><br />I once heckled Jamie Moyer about his Magic Cards and he looked at me strangely. <i>Like maybe I knew.</i> We're on to you, Jamie.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34976812.post-83514633043913498442007-05-31T05:20:00.001-04:002007-05-31T05:21:16.036-04:00To tide you over until FridayWhen I plan to put up a big post.<br /><br />Here is some Japanese Baseball ACTION. And by ACTION, I mean "wow this japanese pitcher sure is a pussy."<br /><br /><object width="425" height="350"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/Aw8iF9Zxaz0"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/Aw8iF9Zxaz0" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="350"></embed></object>Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34976812.post-4653688857481138602007-05-29T03:15:00.001-04:002007-05-29T03:25:06.829-04:00Fair Readers, Go Out There And Become A D Leaguer<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://img.search.com/5/5f/Dleaguelogo.jpg"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px;" src="http://img.search.com/5/5f/Dleaguelogo.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a><br />I love the D League. I love that Kelenna Azuibuke can be plucked up from nowhere and be a far more serviceable backup thank half the guys earning fat contracts at the end of benches (hey Adonal Foyle) in the NBA. I love that Jose Juan Barea, the first Northeastern Husky in the NBA since Reggie Lewis (that one went well, by the way), played there some last season and wrecked the shit out of everyone. I love that Joe Shipp, my favorite player ever from Cal, continues on in it. Everything about it is fun. It's like minor league baseball, but much more navigable and easy to follow since instead of seven thousand teams there are like 25.<br /><br />With that in mind, <a href="http://www.nba.com/dleague/predraft_camp_07.html">if any of you out there have reasonable basketball skills, this might be fun.</a><br /><br /><br /><blockquote>The NBA Development League Pre-Draft Camp offers athletes an opportunity to showcase their talents in front of NBA & D-League front office personnel, as well as coaches & representatives from every D-League team. Participants will be competing for the opportunity to sign a D-League standard player contract and be placed in the 2007 NBA Development League Draft to be held in November, 2007.<br /><br />....<br /><br />The Pre-Draft Camp will consist of up to 200 players to be selected by NBA & D-League front office personnel. All selected participants will be notified prior to the camp. The $500 fee will cover lodging & transportation while in Dallas/Arlington, TX, as well as practice gear. If selected, you will be responsible for arriving in Dallas, TX on Friday, July 27. Transportation between DFW Airport, the player hotel, and the camp site will be provided.</blockquote><br /><br /><br />The camp is in Arlington, and there's a $500 fee you have to front with your application, but if they don't select you you get it back, so there's not a whole lot to lose here. There were like 15 D Leaguers called up last year to the NBA, so teams are definitely using it. I think it'd be great for basketball to eventually establish it as a true AAA, where each team has its own affiliate to assign their own players too. You could expand the draft or, at the very least, just sign a bunch of deserving college players and give them a shot to show something.<br /><br /><br />Anyway, all four of you FC readers, take a shot. Make this moment <span style="font-style:italic;">last</span>Jonnyrayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08455926956180907668noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34976812.post-30137645653739330562007-05-28T08:55:00.000-04:002008-12-11T17:42:57.790-05:00A blog entry about how Baseball Tonight Sucks, because that is rarely covered in the blogosphere.<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_uCICutdqINU/RlrgRtX6xqI/AAAAAAAAAH0/uQ3O9RlpVYw/s1600-h/nypost_jan13.gif"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_uCICutdqINU/RlrgRtX6xqI/AAAAAAAAAH0/uQ3O9RlpVYw/s320/nypost_jan13.gif" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5069610925401228962" /></a><br />Memorial Day is traditionally known as the first checkpoint of the baseball season. Generally, it is a day to gather around the TV and debate the merits of these teams going forward. Well, unless you're Baseball Tonight, in which case you create some fucking retarded flag system to further schill for the Indy 500, which hasn't been relevant for at least 10 years.<br /><br />Here is your Memorial Day story: The Yankees are dead according to every analyst on TV. Never mind that their third order winning percentage <a href="http://www.baseballprospectus.com/statistics/ps_odds.php">according to Baseball Prospectus</a> is the second-best in the AL and the third-best in baseball. Never mind that Johnny Damon, Phillip Hughes, and every non-Andy Pettite pitcher has been injured so far this year. Never mind that half the lineup is off to a slow start. Never mind that it's easy to concoct a scenario which they win the Wild Card. Nope, they're dead. <br /><br />Meanwhile, on said Baseball Tonight segment, Eduardo Perez gave the Twins a "Green Flag" (Brazil's?) because they were 11.5 out after two months last year, then went on a monster tear to take the division title away from Detroit. <br /><br />Eduardo, this is silly. Three teams have come back from 10 game deficits since the Wild Card was "blessed" upon baseball. Those Twins, the 1995 Mariners, and the 2002 A's. By the logic you show here, I believe <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Much_Apu_About_Nothing">you think the Twins have a magic rock that keeps Tigers away</a>.<br /><br />Baseball Tonight is a show with only two types of predictions: the incredibly stupid and the incredibly easy. Steve Phillips thinks the Brewers might be in trouble because they have won 4 of their last 15. You sure about that, dude? Is the war in Iraq also going poorly Steve? I need your reassurance. John Kruk thinks the Red Sox may be headed to the playoffs? John, my computer table just broke into a hundred pieces, do you believe I have termites as well?<br /><br />I know this would take away from Red Sox/Yankee Tonight, but maybe someone could create an argument about how the Braves can win the NL East? Will the Indians hold off the Tigers and Twins? Which team will take the burgeoning Padres/Diamondbacks/Dodgers race in the West? <br /><br />No? Okay, cool. Well you kids let me know when you're relevant again. I'm gonna be getting my analysis from people who actually know how to analyze things till then. And you know, who talk about the rest of baseball.<br /><br /><i>PS: When you're done here check out my latest MetsGeek <a href="http://www.metsgeek.com/articles/2007/05/29/upcoming-series-san-francisco-giants-pitchers-6/#comments">article</a></i>Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34976812.post-46915993142468811822007-05-27T20:55:00.000-04:002007-05-27T21:19:25.544-04:00Yet Another Reason Why Politicans And Sports Don't Mix<a href="http://www.newsmax.com/archives/ic/2007/5/27/193341.shtml?s=ic">They're all the worst sort of mainstream, casual fan.</a><br /><br /><blockquote>On Sunday, he explained further: "I've always been a Red Sox fan. But I said if I weren't running for president, I would like to be No. 7 — Mickey Mantle — playing center field for the New York Yankees.<br /><br />"My favorite team has always been the Red Sox. I'm a Red Sox fan. End of session," he said." But, he added, "I'm also a Yankees fan."<br /><br />After declaring his allegiance to both the Red Sox and the Yankees, Richardson joked: "This is the thing about me: I can bring people together. I can unify ... "</blockquote><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://images.google.com/url?q=http://msnbcmedia2.msn.com/j/msnbc/Sections/Newsweek/Components/Photos/051101_051107/051104_BillRichardson_hsmall.widec.jpg&usg=AFrqEzd7u-YgmZqVv-M30ALviGqrd80YmA"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px;" src="http://images.google.com/url?q=http://msnbcmedia2.msn.com/j/msnbc/Sections/Newsweek/Components/Photos/051101_051107/051104_BillRichardson_hsmall.widec.jpg&usg=AFrqEzd7u-YgmZqVv-M30ALviGqrd80YmA" border="0" alt="" /></a><br /><span style="font-style:italic;">pandering asshole</span><br /><br />I don't understand why politicians think they can get away with this crap. I hate the Yankees and Red Sox, and I'm angry with myself for contributing to any sort of discussion that focuses on The Two Teams In Baseball, but, seriously. Bill Richardson. <span style="font-style:italic;">What. The. Hell.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-style:italic;">You just can't do this.</span><br /><br />Especially these two teams. On the list of stupid things casual sports fans do, pulling the whole "I like BOTH rivals" nonsense ranks just behind realizing they've been lifetime fans miraculously at the same time that a given team experiences success and right ahead of every time they pull that, " That (Player X) guy (who is unfailingly like the best player on the team) is pretty great, how'd we get him again?"<br /><br />Politicians, of course, are the worst sort when it comes to this, and Bill Richardson's display of casual fandom is just disgusting. It smacks of painfully typical politicking. "LOOK, I CAN APPEAL TO <span style="font-style:italic;">EVERYONE HEH HEH HEH</span>" Shut the fuck up Bill Richardson and tell us your stance on gun control or something.<br /><br />It's even worse that it's the Yankees and Red Sox. I mean when the mayor of Chicago proclaims he likes the White Sox and Cubs equally when they're playing because you can tell he doesn't give a shit about baseball and doesn't want to be bothered by it, you can let that slide. But for the governor of New Mexico, of all places, to proclaim both Yankees and Red Sox fandom is just entirely ridiculous. You can't do that. You just can't pick the two best teams in the league and then gleefully sing your love for both of them. Screw you if you think you can.Jonnyrayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08455926956180907668noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34976812.post-58547097966686691342007-05-26T15:55:00.000-04:002007-05-26T16:22:55.262-04:00Jason Kendall Caught Billy Beane Sleeping With His Wife<img src="http://i12.photobucket.com/albums/a248/jlaff/P7201919.jpg"><br /><br />This is Jason Kendall's wife. You may not be able to tell from this particular photo, but she is very attractive.<br /><br /><img src="http://extras.mnginteractive.com/live/media/site181/2007/0104/20070104_074915_beane_al.jpg"><br /><br />This is Billy Beane. He continues to employ Jason Kendall, who is now <span style="font-style:italic;">slugging</span> the Mendoza Line. Well, I lie. The actual Mendoza Line is designed to explode before anyone can slug it, taking the player with it, so as to save us all from having to watch such atrocious batting of the baseball. Unfortunately, Jason Kendall's man-rific beard stubble and grittiness somehow saved him where lesser veterans like Tony Womack and Neifi Perez perished.<br /><br />Anyway, the only rational explanation for the fact that, in light of Jason Kendall's survival from the Mendoza Line's self-destruct feature and continued willingness to suck hard at baseball, Billy Beane allows him to take at bats for the A's every day is this:<br /><br />Jason Kendall caught Billy Beane sleeping with his (rather attractive) wife, and Billy feels awful about it, and so allows Jason the one joy left to him, that being playing baseball.<br /><br />I was gonna go further with this, and describe the pain it is to watch Kendall hopelessly ground out every at bat, or come up with a man on first because you know he's going to lightly tap it to second and initiate a double play, but, really, this is more Kendall than is necessary. Especially for a bored, throwaway mid-afternoon post that was more an excuse to make the dumb Mendoza Line joke than anything else. And even that was only made because the image of Jason Kendall's man-grizzle deflecting exploding flames and debris brings me delight, not because it's really any funny.Jonnyrayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08455926956180907668noreply@blogger.com62tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34976812.post-24604282478578755252007-05-26T07:07:00.001-04:002007-05-26T08:00:02.984-04:00A Desperate Plea From Those Of Us With Knowledge Of Baseball CardsHere's a scene for you. Pay close attention.<br /><br />We're in a card shop. Could be any card shop in America. Here's an exchange that I guarantee you happens once or twice a day.<br /><br />Customer: Do you guys buy cards?<br />Owner: /sighs knowingly. Yeah, yeah we do. What do you have?<br />Customer: Oh, old stuff. Real old stuff. Big name players, too.<br />Owner: /sighs further. Can I take a look?<br />Customer: Yeah, sure, sure.<br />Owner: /looks.<br />Owner: /sighs once more.<br />Owner: Yeah, this is all late 80's/early 90's stuff. We can't really use any of this, we've already got a ton.<br />Customer: /begins to look worried. Well I've got a ton of em. I mean I could give em to you real cheap, everything I've got for 50 bucks.<br />Owner: No no, you see, we've got tons and tons of this stuff already. I've got a room in the back completely full of this stuff. Topps and those companies really overproduced their product in the 80's, and now pretty much everything from the era is worthless.<br />Customer: Well what about 20 bucks? I'll give you everything for 20 bucks.<br />Owner: /sighs, /rues this routine, /wonders where life went wrong.<br />Owner: I don't think you understand. If you left them here, for free, on my counter, I'd just give them to a kid or something. I have literally <i>boxes, and boxes, and boxes</i> of this stuff in the back. I'll never sell it all.<br />Customer: Oh...<br />Customer: You sure? I mean look here, Ryne Sandberg. Jose Canseco. Mark McGwire. Big stars, man.<br />Owner: Yeah, don't need anything like that.<br />Customer: (disappointedly) Well, alright. Thanks, I guess.<br /><br /><br /><img src="http://www.strictlymint.com/online_store/store/images/9064.jpg"><br /><br /><br />I work in a card shop, so every now and then I play the part of Owner in the above conversation, only without all the sighing, because my life doesn't involve owning a card shop and dealing with this on a thrice-daily basis. But to illustrate what I'm getting at, most people think that the stuff they'd pull out of a pack like the above 1984 Topps one is worth $20-$30 in total. The truth, is that the cards inside the above 1984 Topps pack are as likely to be worth anything as the 23 year old stick of gum that accompanies them.<br /><br />I make this post as one makes a PSA. Because honestly, I think most people have no clue. People think their unopened factory sets of 1986 Topps are going to send their kids to college someday. I'm not exaggerating.<br /><br />I have no clue where the perception that Baseball Cards = Trust Fund came from, but. Well, I lie. I know <span style="font-style:italic;">where</span> it came from. It came from a number of people discovering around the mid 80's that their childhood baseball card collections from 20 and 30 years prior were now worth hundreds if not thousands or even hundreds of thousands of dollars. And so then a whole shitload of people bought up baseball cards like they were gold bricks and shelved them away thinking that 20 or 30 years (i.e. now) down the road they could make fortunes. Unfortunately, what nobody stopped to think about was that the whole reason the cards from the 50's and 60's were worth so much was because nobody had them anymore. All the children of the 50's with baseball cards went to college in the 70's and their parents tossed em. Created rarity and the like. Nobody did that with the 80's and 90's cards. Everybody's kept em locked away in mint condition waiting for the time to be ripe.<br /><br />I do hate to be a burster of bubbles, but unless an extreme amount of people start getting extremely frustrated and/or 1980's Topps cards become a popular alternative to firewood, that time of ripetitude will never come to pass, because there are billions, if not trillions, of 80's cards out there just sitting around. <br /><br />I make grab boxes for our card shop, where we toss 90% 80's/90's fodder into a box and mix it with 10% stuff from the last five years to keep people entertained with a crapton of cards for a cheap price. For about the past year and a half or so, I've been working on a pile of 1990 Juan Bell Upper Deck rookie cards, inserting 1 into each grab box I make. I started out at like 125 or something, I think I'm down into the 30's. The point of that little anecdote is this: <span style="font-style:italic;">125 1990 Upper Deck Juan Bell rookie cards.</span> First, who the hell is Juan Bell? Second, that's just his Upper Deck card. Just from 1990. That doesn't take into account the like four other brands that were making cards at the time, nor does it take into account that in the back room I like to frequently mention there's probably another 500 Juan Bell cards stashed away in a dusty box under four other boxes that consist entirely of those stupid yellow Fleer cards from 1991 or whenever.<br /><br />So, because I'm nice, I've prepared a little primer:<br /><br /><img src="http://memory.loc.gov/ammem/bbhtml/bbcimg.jpg">:<br /><br />Gold mine. Congrats. There are few of this nature in existence and people will pay top dollar for even common cards from this era, in any condition.<br /><br /><img src="http://i7.ebayimg.com/03/i/000/a1/40/2bec_1.JPG">:<br /><br />Worth a little bit. These are the 50's/60's variety. Stars like Willie Mays or Mickey Mantle or Hank Aaron will draw large cash amounts. Common cards will draw smaller sums like $4 or $5 a card.<br /><br /><img src="http://i1.ebayimg.com/06/i/000/9f/ef/2192_1.JPG">:<br /><br />Worthless. You know how they've annihilated the rain forests in South America? That was to make baseball cards in the 80's. Whole thing. Junior Felix rookie cards alone account for one missing chunk the size of California.<br /><br />The late 90's and early turn-of-this-century brought us the autograph and jersey card. At first this was innovative and made for top dollar cards (the first jersey card insert set featured Tony Gwynn, Ken Griffey Jr, and Rey Ordonez, if my memory serves me correct. I'm not looking it up. Anyway, the Rey Ordonez still sells for like $40 or $50.) But now, rest assured, those are pretty much worthless too, unless it's got a low serial numbering or the card features a big name player.<br /><br />In short, my desperate plea:<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Sorry, your baseball cards are worthless. Accept this with as little pain as possible.</span>Jonnyrayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08455926956180907668noreply@blogger.com137tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34976812.post-39739815265050186282007-05-25T10:19:00.000-04:002008-12-11T17:43:00.907-05:00The Future Considerations Mock NBA Draft--LotteryLets get this out of the way:<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_uCICutdqINU/RlcBEdX6xcI/AAAAAAAAAGE/aVeJLdZ5D_E/s1600-h/nr147n.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_uCICutdqINU/RlcBEdX6xcI/AAAAAAAAAGE/aVeJLdZ5D_E/s320/nr147n.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5068521081744836034" /></a><br /><b>1) Portland Trailblazers - Greg Oden, C, Ohio State</b><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_uCICutdqINU/RlcBWdX6xdI/AAAAAAAAAGM/PICdJqZIb7Y/s1600-h/Kevin_Durant.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_uCICutdqINU/RlcBWdX6xdI/AAAAAAAAAGM/PICdJqZIb7Y/s320/Kevin_Durant.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5068521390982481362" /></a><br /><i>credit: u. texas photos</i><b><br />2) Seattle Supersonics - Kevin Durant, PF, Texas</b><br /><br />That concludes the easy portion of our draft, and I'll start patting myself on the back for this right now. There is no reason for a team with LaMarcus Aldridge to take Kevin Durant over a true natural center like Oden. <br /><br />The bigger fallout of these two picks is what the long-term effects will be on the roster. For Portland, Zach Randolph looks like a lock to be dealt. Not only is his motivation in question, but he has a huge contract and despite how good he is, Blazers management seems disenchanted. And if you are looking to deal him for sixty cents on the dollar, Kevin Pritchard, may I suggest you look no further than the Houston Rockets? Rafer Alston can sit behind Jarret Jack and play his true role of 12 minute point guard, Juwan Howard can be the consumate role model and all-around good guy while used in a bench role, John Lucas can be your third point guard for when you realize Rafer Alston sucks (Warning: strategy may not work if you employ Jeff Van Gundy), and Vassilis Spanoulis was given a raw deal and may yet be a decent combo guard in the league. You can have those four and we'll take Randolph and Dan Dickau's contract. Probably not a deal that goes down without the Rockets throwing in their first/future first round pick, which I'd wait to see who they sign with their MLE before committing to that; this is a deep draft. However, it would give the Rockets the third great player that they need to truly compete with San Antonio and Dallas. <br /><br />Rockets wet dream ideas aside, what about to New Jersey for Richard Jefferson? The Nets have clearly proven that they can't get over the hump with the personnel they have available, Randolph can still run a little and would give them the big man they need to win those half-court battles that are the standard with Detroit and Chicago in the picture. Meanwhile, Jefferson and Brandon Roy would be a solid pair of slashers and compliments to Oden and Aldridge down low, with Jarret Jack running the action. <br /><br />As for the Sonics, the Durant deal "forces" them into a backload too. After re-signing Chris Wilcox last summer, the team has Wilcox and Nick Collison at the forward, and three consecutive first round projects at center with Mouhamad Sene, Goofy Robert Swift, and Johan Petro. Finding a taker for an above-average but not outstanding talent like Wilcox could be hard this offseason, especially considering what a big year it is for size in the draft, with most of the projected lottery picks as of now being over 6'8. Seattle may have to settle for dangling one of the project centers to clear up roster space. <br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_uCICutdqINU/RlcBwtX6xeI/AAAAAAAAAGU/O8e-xmA1XC8/s1600-h/1135587152.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_uCICutdqINU/RlcBwtX6xeI/AAAAAAAAAGU/O8e-xmA1XC8/s320/1135587152.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5068521841954047458" /></a><br /><i>credit: chinafoto press</i><br /><b>3) Atlanta Hawks - Yi Jianlian, PF, Guangdong Tigers</b><br />I've seen a ton of mocks already where Mike Conley Jr gets picked here, but I'm betting on Billy Knight's scouting to win out. The Hawks are at the same point as they were last season, they have a ton of good perimeter slashers, no point guard, and no inside game. Marvin Williams, the consensus best talent of the NBA Draft in 2005, put up a very mediocre 12.31 PER last year, and was so timid on the glass that you couldn't even really call him a power forward. While Shelden Williams showed some promise, you have to factor in that ultimately he looks like a monkey and is already 38. With two very stellar American power forwards still on the board in Al Horford and Brandan Wright, I expect Knight to go off the board and select Jianlian. Part of this is due to his history with overseas first rounders (Gasol and Diaw), and part of this is due to the fact that I don't think Yi is the best player on the board, and therefore am expecting the Hawks to blunder.<br /><br />While I do think there is a chance the Hawks will fall for Conley Jr, Billy Knight's experiences with drafting the best player available makes me feel that at best, they will trade down to get him. I'm not sure who they'll be able to trade down with because 3-9 in this draft are so closely knit that theres no real difference in the slot valuation. <br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_uCICutdqINU/RlcC7NX6xgI/AAAAAAAAAGk/VFlLhOcCeR4/s1600-h/Noah_Joakim.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_uCICutdqINU/RlcC7NX6xgI/AAAAAAAAAGk/VFlLhOcCeR4/s320/Noah_Joakim.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5068523121854301698" /></a><br /><b>4) Memphis Grizzlies - Joakim Noah, PF/C, Florida</b><br />While this may be a bit of a reach, it's not like Jerry West isn't known for going against the grain. The Grizzlies were the worst defensive team in basketball last year, and while Noah may only be a above-average player on offense, he is shot-blocking machine. Not only that, but he's one of the few big men who actually create steals, and he's a terrific rebounder, both offensively and defensively. If he came out after the first title, he would have been a Top 3 pick easily. I think Noah has contracted the dreaded Brady Quinn syndrome (As far as how he got it: Don't Ask, Don't Tell), where the more we see of someone, the more faults we find. I expect Jerry West to look past this. <br /><br />Also, I've backspaced over about 300 different WNBA/We Got Next/New Franchise in Memphis/Accutane jokes for the last five minutes to fill this space, so lets just move on.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_uCICutdqINU/RlcChNX6xfI/AAAAAAAAAGc/aG5Zn-_mmhM/s1600-h/27257578.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_uCICutdqINU/RlcChNX6xfI/AAAAAAAAAGc/aG5Zn-_mmhM/s320/27257578.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5068522675177702898" /></a><br /><i>credit: robert willett, act</i><br /><b>5) Boston Celtics - Brandan Wright, PF, North Carolina</b><br /><br />As if they weren't screwed enough by the lottery (not that I'm crying for them), the Celtics wind up in the mock with the two top players on the board playing the same position as their second-best player, Al Jefferson. The Celtics are a tough team to pick for; they have a ton of young talent on the roster already, but none of it has stuck enough to become really great other than Pierce or Jefferson. Delonte West and Rajon Rondo have both shown flashes at the point, Ryan Gomes is a solid backup forward, Gerald Green could be a franchise player down the line. What they don't have is big men other than Jefferson, as Kendrick Perkins was found wanting most of the year and Theo Ratliff has been deceased since the end of President Bush's first term. <br /><br />Given these circumstances, the Celtics are pretty much forced into Horford or Wright, and I give the edge to Wright based mainly on his youth (which Ainge has clearly coveted in past drafts). The Celtics could also look to move the pick, but in the end I think that they'll end up deciding that theres no established star that makes them an actual contender in the East for trade and settle for Wright.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_uCICutdqINU/RlcDLtX6xhI/AAAAAAAAAGs/pPyFVZUuwQU/s1600-h/p1.conley.si.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_uCICutdqINU/RlcDLtX6xhI/AAAAAAAAAGs/pPyFVZUuwQU/s320/p1.conley.si.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5068523405322143250" /></a><br /><i>credit: jon beiver, SI</i><br /><b>6) Milwaukee Bucks - Mike Conley Jr., PG, Ohio State</b><br /><br />The Bucks are in quite a quandry, as they have Charlie Villanueva and Andrew Bogut in the key as young average players who have the potential to leap forward, with Bobby Simmons coming back from surgery this year and Dan Gadzuric also capable of providing average play in the post. They're one of the few teams in the draft that truly have little to gain from drafting big. <br /><br />The Bucks also got solid offensive play from their guards last year, but finished second-to-last in the NBA in eFG% allowed and Defensive Efficiency. Given these circumstances, one could construct a pretty good argument for Corey Brewer, but the Bucks big problem last year was staying healthy. Only two players played more than 68 games for them, and Villanueva and Bogut missed much of last season, which left opposing slashers with nobody to stop them in the paint. <br /><br />Conley Jr doesn't solve any of these problems, but I have the feeling he'll be reached for here based on Maurice Williams impending free agency. The Bucks will let their two young big men get on the court at the same time and see what they have before they try to fix problems that may not exist. Conley was a stellar distributor last year, and could be a very capable point guard in the Rod Strickland mold for the Bucks. <br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_uCICutdqINU/RlcDe9X6xiI/AAAAAAAAAG0/-RHko_ONK3w/s1600-h/t1_horford_us.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_uCICutdqINU/RlcDe9X6xiI/AAAAAAAAAG0/-RHko_ONK3w/s320/t1_horford_us.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5068523736034625058" /></a><br /><i>credit: Jimmy DeFlippo/US PRESSWIRE</i><br /><b>7) Sacramento Kings* - Al Horford, PF, Florida</b><br /><br />With the very last elite power forward prospect in the hands of the T-Wolves, who are mired in the throes of the "We Can't Trade Kevin Garnett" era, I expect a trade. Kevin McHale has frequently done this in past drafts, trading down from Ray Allen to Stephon Marbury and last year trading down from Brandon Roy to Randy Foye. <br /><br />Now the logical pick to trade up would be the Philadelphia 76ers, who started Joe Smith at power forward for most of the second half of the season. However, trying to come up with a trade involving Kevin McHale and Billy King is like trying to make a sandwich out of bread, jalapenos, mustard, and lettuce; entirely too confusing to even attempt. The Kings decline last year, while popularly blamed on Mike Bibby, also had a lot to do with Shareef Abdur-Rahim growing old and Brad Miller being injured much of the year. Horford injects some new life into their frontcourt, and lets set the cost of moving up at the #10 pick, Francisco Garcia, and a future 2nd rounder. Garcia's not actually any good, but this is Kevin McHale we're talking about.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_uCICutdqINU/RlcD0dX6xjI/AAAAAAAAAG8/7kbFWwGCl9A/s1600-h/gators.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_uCICutdqINU/RlcD0dX6xjI/AAAAAAAAAG8/7kbFWwGCl9A/s320/gators.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5068524105401812530" /></a><br /><i>credit: Jason Parkhurst, US Presswire</i><br /><b>8) Charlotte Bobcats - Corey Brewer, SF, Florida</b><br /><br />The Bobcats essentially get their pick of the big three small forwards in Jeff Green, Corey Brewer, and Julian Wright. Adam Morrison was a huge disappointment last year and Gerald Wallace is a free agent on the wing. I look for the Bobcats to make a big splash...<br /><br />*wait for it*<br /><br />...by signing former Tar Heel Vince Carter. And while I don't think they'll give up on Morrison just like that, Corey Brewer will be brought in to fill the defensive specialist role that Wallace had been in charge of. I project Brewer over Green for two reasons. 1) Championship Pedigree, Michael Jordan likes. 2) Why bring in Green if you're already committing to Carter? Between Green, Morrison, and Carter, there wouldn't be enough shots to go around. Brewer doesn't have much of a chance of becoming a star, but he's a terrific role player in the Shane Battier mold. <br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_uCICutdqINU/RlcEPNX6xkI/AAAAAAAAAHE/n4yuzURlyfQ/s1600-h/t1_green_si.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_uCICutdqINU/RlcEPNX6xkI/AAAAAAAAAHE/n4yuzURlyfQ/s320/t1_green_si.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5068524564963313218" /></a><br /><i>credit: Mitchell Layton, SI</i><br /><b><strike>9) Minnesota Timberwolves, Jeff Green, SF, Georgetown</strike><br />9) Chicago Bulls, Jeff Green, SF, Georgetown</b><br /><br />It's not too late, McHale! You can still get a S/T'ed Nocioni, this pick, Ty Thomas, and probably another future first rounder for KG. Have a heart man!<br /><br />Okay, back to reality. The Bulls need offense? Green can provide it. He's not the low post threat they'd like, but Ty Thomas is still developing and could become that in the near future. With the Bulls likely to let Nocioni go, Green could take his spot in the rotation and provide another reliable scoring option along with Ben Gordon and Luol Deng on the perimeter. While they'd probably rather have someone with more of an ability to penetrate, that player just isn't available at this point in the draft. <br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_uCICutdqINU/RlcEg9X6xlI/AAAAAAAAAHM/bd_mhLxHfzU/s1600-h/1153288287.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_uCICutdqINU/RlcEg9X6xlI/AAAAAAAAAHM/bd_mhLxHfzU/s320/1153288287.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5068524869905991250" /></a><br /><i>credit: mcdonaldsallamerican.com</i><br /><b>10) Minnesota Timberwolves, Spencer Hawes, C, Washington</b><br /><br />The Timberwolves have a choice here that essentially boils down to Acie Law vs. Hawes. Both positions are sore spots for the Timberwolves, with veterans Mike James and Mark Blount manning the positions and little in the wings. Conventional NBA wisdom values size, and while McHale's history makes me think it's something like a 50/50 for him (he opted for Roy over Patrick O'Bryant, which is about the same difference between Law and Hawes in my opinion), I'm going to go ahead and put him down for Hawes. <br /><br />Hawes main plusses are his youth, size, and shot-blocking. Like any other project center, his offensive game isn't fully developed yet, but scout-speak blah blah jumper.<br /><br />This guy is the next Todd Fuller. Count on it.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_uCICutdqINU/RlcFAtX6xmI/AAAAAAAAAHU/A8_xzwm5svA/s1600-h/texas-a%26m.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_uCICutdqINU/RlcFAtX6xmI/AAAAAAAAAHU/A8_xzwm5svA/s320/texas-a%26m.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5068525415366837858" /></a><br /><i>credit: AP Photo/Kevork Djansezian</i><br /><b>11) Atlanta Hawks - Acie Law, PG, Texas A&M</b><br /><br />I already set most of this up in their first pick, but the Hawks are still regretting not picking Chris Paul and have been rightly slammed for it. While I'm tempted to give them Julian Wright and just laugh at them, lets just say Billy Knight gets lucky and picks the first credible point guard the franchise has had since they got rid of Jason Terry. <br /><br />I could also see a scenario where Knight trades up one spot to get Law and the Timberwolves keep Hawes. The good old Cash Considerations trade may come into effect here. <br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_uCICutdqINU/RlcFT9X6xnI/AAAAAAAAAHc/Bvo-3ts5yAM/s1600-h/26597184.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_uCICutdqINU/RlcFT9X6xnI/AAAAAAAAAHc/Bvo-3ts5yAM/s320/26597184.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5068525746079319666" /></a><br /><i>credit: mark j. terrill/ap</i><br /><b>12) Philadelphia 76ers - Julian Wright, SF, Kansas</b><br /><br />The big faller of the round lands in Billy King's lap; Billy King immediately attempts to sign him to a 7 year/$90 million contract until David Stern explains that theres a slot system for first round picks. <br /><br />Wright is listed as a small forward, but he plays so much like a power forward that I think that might end up being his NBA position; he's a terrific rebounder, and he even blocks a good share of shots. Either way, it's a big coup to get him here for the 76ers. <br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_uCICutdqINU/RlcFqNX6xoI/AAAAAAAAAHk/Vxg527_WYE8/s1600-h/x8i3om5y.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_uCICutdqINU/RlcFqNX6xoI/AAAAAAAAAHk/Vxg527_WYE8/s320/x8i3om5y.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5068526128331409026" /></a><br /><b>13) New Orleans Hornets - Nick Young, SG/SF, USC</b><br /><br />Just as the real quality prospects end, the teams that don't need much help start popping up. The Hornets glaring need is at the slasher position: after Peja Stojakovic went down for the year, Desmond Mason was forced to shoulder more of the load and ended up not being very good at carrying an NBA offense. Peja will come back this year to shoulder some of the offense, but the Hornets could definitely use another NBA-quality shooter.<br /><br />Enter Young, who shouldered the majority of the load for the surprising Sweet 16 Trojans that knocked off Kevin Durant's Longhorns. He's a terrific three point shooter, he can drive to the hoop. He won't contribute much defensively, but Tyson Chandler and David West have got his back there and the Hornets can always dig Stacey Augmon's bones up if they need a defensive specialist. <br /><br />An alternate selection here would be Rudy Fernandez, but given that the Hornets have never selected a foreign player in the first round, I see it as more likely that they'll stay comfortable and take Young.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_uCICutdqINU/RlcF39X6xpI/AAAAAAAAAHs/9DdsafIPcNE/s1600-h/2006-11-17-28-1.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_uCICutdqINU/RlcF39X6xpI/AAAAAAAAAHs/9DdsafIPcNE/s320/2006-11-17-28-1.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5068526364554610322" /></a><br /><i>credit: john guthrie/gtech publications</i><br /><b>14) Los Angeles Clippers - Thaddeus Young, SF, Georgia Tech</b><br /><br />The Clippers big problem last year was that they just weren't very efficient at putting the ball in the hoop; they finished 24th in the NBA in eFG and only had two players in the Top 100. While Fernandez would be the more NBA ready pick, the Clippers have always favored promise over performance, lest you forget that Yaroslav Korolev is still on their bench somewhere.<br /><br />Young may yet develop into a consistent scoring threat; he certainly has the talent to do so. A comparison that DraftExpress throws out as best case would be Antawn Jamison.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34976812.post-14470548765205371262007-05-25T07:37:00.000-04:002007-05-25T08:47:10.462-04:00State of the FCGetting our own Deadspin post has enlarged our egos and made us more apt to post more. By this, I mean it made me more apt to post more. I dunno about the rest of these chumpettes. <br /><br />Also, we've been traded to the Chiefs for Lawrence Tynes. I personally always saw us as a blocking tight end so I hope Jason Dunn knows we are gunning for his ass.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34976812.post-89318287044167813212007-05-24T16:55:00.000-04:002008-12-11T17:43:01.160-05:00In The Time It Takes Me To Write This Another Oakland Athletic Will Get InjuredCome, take a trip with me, a trip to a harrowing and dangerous place.....<a href="http://oakland.athletics.mlb.com/team/roster_40man.jsp?c_id=oak">to the Oakland Athletics 40 man roster!</a><br /><br />The Oakland Athletics 40 man roster is a place where no sane man wants to go, for he is assured the most gruesome of pulled hamstrings upon arriving. 1 in every 4 Oakland Athletic 40 man roster spot holders succumb to such a fate.<br /><br />Let's take a look, shall we?:<br /><br />RP Justin Duchscherer, 15 days<br />SP Rich Harden, 15 days<br />SP Esteban Loaiza, 60 days<br />RP Huston Street, 15 days<br />OF Milton Bradley, 15 days<br />OF Chris Denorfia, 60 days<br />OF Bobby Kielty, 60 days<br />OF Mark Kotsay, 60 days<br />OF Chris Snelling, 15 days<br />DH Mike Piazza, 15 days<br /><br />Take a moment to bemoan the unfortunate fate befallen on these poor Oakland Athletics souls.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-z5yY7pPbELJOhqIBXdjCV3xvr1Oe6UtirphrBz95O-EjFw2WbIVUFzAQ-oGuTX8egIbSSNrC-XpfU3cjhhYD60Me1rMIPy8dXlcnwTpgWVAdt873q0BCjR1Q2EIrZo_F5nEoIg/s1600-h/flesh+wound.bmp"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-z5yY7pPbELJOhqIBXdjCV3xvr1Oe6UtirphrBz95O-EjFw2WbIVUFzAQ-oGuTX8egIbSSNrC-XpfU3cjhhYD60Me1rMIPy8dXlcnwTpgWVAdt873q0BCjR1Q2EIrZo_F5nEoIg/s320/flesh+wound.bmp" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5068241103204513618" /></a><br /><span style="font-style:italic;">i used paint. on a laptop. there is slack to be cut.</span><br /><br />This not even takes into account the lucky few who have returned from the horrors of the DL and other various nagging ailments, such as OF Nick Swisher, OF Travis Buck, 1B Dan Johnson, 3B Eric Chavez (the next likeliest candidate to rank himself amongst the DL-bound).<br /><br /><br />As such, trouble is afoot in the town of Oak, where Hiram Bocachica has been seen to start in center field, Colby Lewis has made a start, and Alan Embree has been annointed closer. The fair Athletics sit 4 games behind the tyrannical Angels.<br /><br /><br />Praise be to the heavens, however, for the beloved hero Jason Kendall and his mighty .192 batting average and .205 slugging percentage still stand tall and healthy. His manly grizzle will lead us on.<br /><br /><img src="http://oakland.athletics.mlb.com/images/players/mugshot/ph_116974.jpg"><br /><span style="font-style:italic;">heroic grizzle</span><br /><br /><br /><br />Eh, I tried too hard. Point is it's gonna take a miracle for us to beat the Angels if we keep accumulating injuries like this. (And not just injuries to random dudes. Like if Jay Witasick went down, that'd be dandy. But no, it's not Jay Witasick. It's Huston Street and Justin Duchscherer.) I didn't believe in miracles and then the Warriors up and pulled one off so now DO I BELIEVE IN MIRACLES? YES AL MICHAELS I SORTA DO.Jonnyrayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08455926956180907668noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34976812.post-40668980345174676802007-05-24T07:11:00.000-04:002008-12-11T17:43:01.548-05:00RIP ESPN ClassicOnce upon a time there was a network created to broadcast amazing feats of the past, sports moments that boggled the human mind; this was called ESPN Classic. Many portions of the internet are now devoted to thrashing the Worldwide Leader, but rarely do we get past SportsCenter or Baseball Tonight to realize just how deep this epidemic goes.<br /><br />Classic is a funny word. Theres the ancient part of the meaning, the recognized authority/excellence. The word Classic is even just a take off of Class. Classy networks, defined elegance and style. With this in mind, ESPN Classic would broadcast old games like Game 5 of the 1969 World Series, the 73 series, This Week In Baseball. They'd show some classic NBA games from the Jordan eras, the short shorts, Magic playing in the All-Star Game after he had AIDS. Memories of simpler, greater times for many fans. <br /><br />So together, we're going to go over the ESPN Classic Schedule for today, Thursday the 24th, and see what a bunch of Classic moments America gets to reminisce about today.<br /><br /><b>6:00 AM: Classic's Vintage NBA: Bernard King.</b><br />Bernard King was one of the most underrated players of his era, and this thirty minute clip will inform the viewer of this through the words of his contemporaries, Robin Roberts, and possibly Bill Walton under the guise that he thinks he is talking about Kareem.<b><br />Classic Scale (1-10)</b>: 6.3<br /><b><br />7:00 AM: 1995 $50,000 Challenge Of Champions</b><br />Looking this up on my Time Warner guide, I can see that it is Pool. I like to think of myself as a fan of obscure history. I can't name a single men's pool player (although I think if I remember my trick shot history, one of them is named Massey? Messey?), and the only woman I can remember is that Asian girl who they tried to make a sex icon out of when she was only moderately attractive. Still, you have to give ESPN credit: 1995 was definitely a while ago.<b><br />Classic Scale (1-10)</b>: 1.8<br /><b><br />8:00 AM: 2006 PBA US Open</b><br />Okay so this happened last year. I'm a bowling advocate. Maybe it had a really great finish. Wikipedia informs me that bowling uses the NBA-esque two year season, so this really could be one of two finals, the 14 pin win by Tommy Jones in 2005-2006, or the 6 point Pete Weber win in 2006-2007. Judging by ESPN standards (EVERYTHING MUST BE IN ALL CAPS TO MAKE A POINT), I'm guessing this is the latter. In which case, there is in fact, nothing classic about a middle-aged douchebag psychopath in the midst of his crisis wearing see-through aviators and screaming things at the camera.<b><br />Classic Scale (1-10):</b> The Macarena<br /><b><br />9:00 AM: 2004 World Series Of Poker presented by Miller High Life.</b><br />Look, I even admit I like poker. I like watching poker. This is neither classic nor a sport. We get it, Norman Chad has problems staying married. Poker is a game you can get lucky at. Poker players sometimes are douches. Good TV. Not a sport, not classic.<b><br />Classic Scale (1-10):</b> A VHS copy of <i>Monkeybone</i><br /><b><br />10:00 AM: NHRA Slick 50 Nationals. </b><br />(Looks out window)<br />Yep, theres a car driving.<br /><b>Classic Scale (1-10)</b>: The Camouflage Padres uniforms. <br /><b><br />11:00 AM: 2006 PBA Denny's Championships</b><br />Okay, I'm willing to give the benefit of the doubt to the US Open. Dennys? <i>Dennys?</i><b><br />Classic Scale (1-10)</b>: Chris Kattan.<br /><b><br />12:00 PM: Madden Nation</b><br />You know, this show excites me because they give nicknames to fat people who play video games. As much fun as it is to see college dropouts shout "POP POP POP" at opponents with names like Duka or The Problem Child or whatever Bill Simmons' friends name themselves these days, couldn't we just watch the actual sports in question?<b><br />Classic Scale (1-10)</b>: Any Simpsons episode penned by Ian-Maxtone Graham.<br /><b><br />12:30 PM: Streetball: The And 1 Mix Tour Presented by Mountain Dew</b><br />If I had any ability with video editing, I would combine clips of Vince Carter's only showing in the NBA Dunk Contest with clips of TV Funhouse's <i>The Baby, The Immigrant, and The Guy On Mushrooms</i> sketches. Because that is every Streetball show. <b><br />Classic Scale (1-10)</b>: Virtual Boy<br /><b><br />1:00 PM: 1995 Orange Bowl: Nebraska Cornhuskers vs. Miami Hurricanes</b><br />Okay, I'm not a college football fan but I'll let this slide. Lawrence Phillips and Tommie Frazier led Nebraska to a comeback win that sated Nebraska students and boosters for all of 3 years. <b><br />Classic Scale (1-10)</b>: 6.8<br /><b><br />3:00 PM: 1988 First Union 400</b><br />I'm getting more and more freaked out by this racing thing. I googled this and discovered that there was pro-racing reference and was scared. <a href="http://www.racing-reference.info/race?id=1988-07&series=W">Not only does this tell you who won</a>, but the user comments talk about it being a terrific comeback win for Terry Bobby or Petty or whoever. Isn't Daytona the only race that really matters though? Can it really be classic if it's just some hum-drum event in the middle of NASCAR's season? Do they even have a season?<b> <br />Classic Scale (1-10)</b>: 1.9 (it did happen awhile ago, and I guess it's a little bit more of a sport than pool.)<br /><b><br />5:00 PM: Stump The Schwab</b><br /><b>Stump The Schwab?</b> Stump the Schwab? <br /><br /><br /><br />*furrows brows*<br /><br /><br /><strike>More like Stump The Blob</strike> <strike>Schwab ate all Stuart Scott's turkey because Stuart Scott see his entire plate</strike> <strike>Stump The Schwab was a game show that involved sports knowledge that was very entertaining!11!</strike><br /><br />You know what, lets just move on.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br />WAIT SCHWAB CAN'T MOVE ON BECAUSE HE'S ENORMOUS! <br /><br />get it because he is very fat and<br /><br /><br /><br />Fuck it. <b><br />Classic Scale (1-10)</b>: The Republic of Montenegro<br /><b><br />6:00 PM: American Gladiators</b><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_uCICutdqINU/RlWB3dX6xaI/AAAAAAAAAF0/Fpn3hQa7hEs/s1600-h/ag3.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_uCICutdqINU/RlWB3dX6xaI/AAAAAAAAAF0/Fpn3hQa7hEs/s320/ag3.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5068099745453098402" /></a><br />One day, when I get rich, I'm going to attach the Tennis Ball Cannon on the side of my car and shoot old people with it. So turn up your hearing aid for this, Morris Albernathy of Sioux Falls, South Dakota. Don't get your prescriptions filled after 6:30 PM or your ass is grass.<b><br />Classic Scale (1-10): 30</b><br /><b><br />7;00 PM: 1996 Lennox Lewis vs. Ray Mercer</b><br />Ray Mercer? Didn't the Celtics draft him? <br /><b>Classic Scale (1-10)</b>: 2.38<br /><b><br />8:00 PM: 2005 World Series Of Poker presented by Milwaukee's Best Light</b><br /><i>Lon: Well, it's time for our all-in moment of the match</i><br /><b>Norm: This guy is almost as big of a dog as my wife</b><br /><i>Lon: *polite chuckle* OHHH ITS A CARD I KNEW WAS COMING! [POPULAR PLAYER} IS ELIMINATED.</i><br /><b>Norm: You hate to go out like that. My wife threw me out once when the odds were in my favor.</b><b><br />Classic Scale (1-10)</b>: Tim Hardaway Jokes<br /><b><br />9:00 PM: Top 5 Reasons Why You Can't Blame Matt Leinart For Returning For His Senior Season At USC.</b><br />Here, let me take a crack at them: <br />1) Knocking up a women's basketball player (impressive feat given the odds of a women's basketball player wanting to touch a penis).<br />2) Got to experience how overrated Paris Hilton's body was in person instead of just watching it in night vision.<br />3) Basically did whatever the fuck he wanted to.<br />4) Participated in one of the greatest games in college football history, which he sadly lost.<br />5) Moved up from throwing to Arnaz Battle and Antonio Bryant to throwing to Larry Fitzgerald and Anquan Boldin.<br /><br />There, saved you 30 minutes.<br /><b><br />Classic Rating (1-10)</b>: Eagle Eye Cherry<br /><b><br />9:30 PM: Top 5 Reasons You Can't Blame Chamberlain For Losing To Russell</b><br />...Russell's team was better? <br /><b><br />Classic Rating (1-10)</b>: 0.3<br /><b><br />10:00 PM: Dodge Xtreme Bulls Tour presented by B&W Trailer Hitches.</b><br />B&W Trailer Hitches sounds like an advertisement from <i>UHF</i>.<br /><br /><i>Nothing says I love you like a trailer hitch</i>,<br /><b><br />Classic Rating (1-10)</b>: Those Fast Forward The Clock uniforms that baseball teams loved to wear in 1998. <br /><b><br />11:00 PM: Courtney Burton vs. Emanuel Burton Augustus (2004)</b><br />Nothing like closing out the day with a grudge match between these two over the name Burton. There hasn't been an intense rivalry like this since Rene and Marcel Lachemann did a hot dog eating contest for the rights to interim manage the 1998 Expos.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_uCICutdqINU/RlWHWtX6xbI/AAAAAAAAAF8/DbDUS14oiNc/s1600-h/watn_right_burton.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_uCICutdqINU/RlWHWtX6xbI/AAAAAAAAAF8/DbDUS14oiNc/s320/watn_right_burton.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5068105779882149298" /></a><br /><br /><i>A NEW CHALLENGER HAS APPEARED</i><br /><br />Nah I'm just yankin' your chain, the two fight and neither of them are champions and it's not really classic at all. A fitting end to the day.<br /><b><br />Classic Rating (1-10)</b>: Arli$$ rerun. Wait thats on ESPN Classic too.<br /><br /><br />I hope our trip down memory lane taught you that it's not just the regular ESPN gigs that are being messed up: it's a company wide dilemma. Also I hope I made you start singing "Save Tonight" to yourself, because if I have to remember it, then you're all going down with me.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com120